BIRTH

The air is too sharp. The sky is too loud. My skin doesn’t fit right. My bones are screaming. Did I wake up wrong? Did I wake up at all? Something is peeling. Something is slipping. I think it’s me. I think I’m spilling. I lost my name in the static. I lost my hands in the dark. Where did I put me? Where did I put me? I bit through the night. It tasted like copper and teeth. My hands don’t stop shaking—eager, hungry, they are mine. I found a mirror, but it wasn’t me. Just a mouth. Just a hole. I reached inside, pulled out something wet, something rotten. Was it my heart? Was it anything? I screamed and the walls peeled back. I laughed and my ribs cracked open. I think I’m inside out. I think I’m dripping. My veins are violin strings, plucked by the ghosts in my throat. They play my new name backwards. It lures them in, this song. Eyes latch onto me as I move. A girl with no past, a body with no owner. Men stare too long. Their hands twitch. Their teeth glint. They don’t know what I am. They don’t know what I can do. Should I show them? Should I let them see? They're here! I hear them... coming. Drawn to the kill, yes! The scent of it. They think they know me? Hah! NEVER. This hunger... it rages! It won't be still. Mustn't... can't... won't be quiet! I CRACK THE MARBLE—GUTS FOR GOLD FLESH AND BONE—SWALLOWING THE STORY UNTOLD MY SHADOWS HOWL—THEY LURCH, THEY BITE THEY SINK THEIR TEETH—TEARING THROUGH THE NIGHT I RIP MYSELF OPEN—A FOUNTAIN OF RED WHAT’S INSIDE ME? YOU’LL WISH YOU’RE DEAD PAIN AND ECSTASY—TWISTED LIKE EARTH WALK INTO THE VOID— ...welcome to the birth... The world outside... a smeared painting. Faces shift, a shifting masquerade. I take their hand, a dance of prey. Their pulse, a drumbeat to the end. A hunger blooms, a twisted garden. I am the serpent, the fruit, the feast. They offer warmth, a fleeting lie. I am the cold, the endless night. The city buzzes, hungry, waiting. They watch me like I’m something new, something dangerous. Do they see the blood under my nails? Do they hear the bones in my laughter? Do they know I could tear them apart before they blink? My lips are stitched with the words I can’t say. My stomach is full of the secrets I swallowed. I press my face to the ground and whisper my name— It echoes back in a voice that isn’t mine. THE SKY IS BUCKLING. THE EARTH IS LAUGHING. I SPIT OUT MY NAME—IT MELTS LIKE CANDLE WAX. I TEAR OFF MY FACE—WHAT WAS UNDERNEATH? I’LL RIP OUT THE STITCHES, LET THE TRUTH LEAK. I’LL BURN DOWN THE NIGHT, DIG THROUGH THE ASHES. I’LL CARVE OPEN HEAVEN, FORCE MYSELF THROUGH. I WON’T BE ALONE. I WON’T BE ALONE. The wind tastes like rust. My hands won’t stop shaking. I press my ear to the dirt. It hums. It breathes. I think it knows me. I think it wants me. I close my eyes. The world flickers. I feel myself grinning in the dark. Come back. Come back. Or let me in. Let me in. Let me in. Let me—