[style: Comedy polka, plunderphonic, sample driven, parody-driven songwriting, upbeat tempo, accordion and electric guitar instrumentation, expressive male vocals with humorous inflection, polished studio production, satirical and playful mood, 80s–2000s novelty pop ] [Intro – Fast-paced accordion trill, funky tuba slap-bass, high-pitched slide whistle] Yee-haw, prospectors! Grab your pick-axes... or just use your pinky! We’re goin' deep into the cranium caverns! One, two, three, FLICK! [Verse 1 – Frantic 180 BPM Polka, staccato delivery, nasal funky growl] Deep inside the tunnels of my schnoz-tastic land I’m prospectin’ greenies with a flick of my hand I’m a mucus-miner, yeah I’m lookin’ for the pay I’m a California snot-king, give it away now, hey! Emeralds in the rough, yeah they’re sticky and they’re sweet I’m flickin’ all my findings on the driver’s side seat One false move and I’m stuck in the goo Like a sticky-fingered bandit at the city-wide zoo! (Slap-bass tuba solo: Thump-a-wump-a-thump!) Diggin' for the nuggets, yeah I’m never gonna stop Until I find a crusty one and make it go POP! [Chorus – High-energy Beer Hall Polka, massive accordion chords, yodeling choir] Rhinotillexis! (Hey!) Nasal spelunkin'! Finger in the hole, no time for a-thunkin'! Did he pick his brain? Or strike a booger vein? Up to my elbow in snotty terrain! Nose gold rush! (Yodel: Eee-ooo-eee-ooo-AY!) Crusty’s my claim, and the greenies are my fame! One little flick and the treasures come rainin' Boogers galore, it’s a snotty refrainin'! [Verse 2 – Melodic opening, double-time ska-polka shift, echo chamber vocals] My helmet light is flickerin' in the cavern so deep I’m rappellin' down the septum, and the walls are real steep Stalactites of crust hangin' low overhead If I pull ‘em too hard, then my nose’ll turn red! Nasal spelunkin’, it’s a hobby, it’s an art But I lost my wedding ring, now where do I start? Echoes of a sneeze bounce off of the walls While I’m dodgin' the drips like Niagara Falls! (Vocalization: Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-CHOO!) Did I pick my brain? Man, I just don’t know But I think I found the remote from a year ago! [Bridge – Melancholy minor-key Waltz-Polka, mock-German therapist accent] The doctor says, "Sir, it is repressed, this urge to explore!" Your id is in your nostril, knockin' at the door! Are you pickin' for wisdom, or just for the itch? Your subconscious is flipped like a light-o-meter switch! From the caveman days when we scratched for a snack To the boardroom boogers— hide 'em in the back! But don't do it on a date or she’ll leave you in a lurch And you’ll be all alone with your finger in research! (Washboard build-up: Scritch-scritch-SCRITCH-EXPLOSION!) [Verse 3 – Apocalyptic Polka-Punk, distorted guitar riffs, jug-whistle sounds] Claim jumpers lurkin’ in the lobby so sly The roommate’s got a digit sneak-peakin’ in my eye! We built a whole town on the treasures we found But a giant wet Kleenex just shut us all down! Snot-pocalypse now when the pollen wind blows A sticky-sweet tsunami through the shafts of my nose! Now I’m panned out, with a tissue in my hand Wavin' goodbye to my booger dreamland! (Vocalization: Yodel-lay-hee-HOO-SPLAT!) Next time I’ll be smart and I’ll change my whole tune And stick to finding gum under tables at noon! [Final Chorus – 200 BPM Chaos, rapid-fire yodeling, kazoo fanfare] Rhinotillexis! (Hey-hey!) Booger ballet! It’s a finger-tango party at the snotty buffet! Did he pick his brain? Or mine a green train? Nostril nine-to-five, drivin' me insane! Nose gold rush! (Yodel: Eee-ooo-AY-CARAMBA!) From the crust to the coast, it’s the picker’s toast! One final flick and the curtain comes crashin' Snot’s the new glitter, and we’re polka-trashin'! [Outro – Fading oompah bass, breathless ad-libs, final tuba BWAMP] Whoo! Somebody get me a wet-nap! And maybe a flashlight! I think I saw a diamond in there! Or maybe it’s just a Tic-Tac! Stay gold, Ponyboy... snot gold! Gute nacht! (BWAMP!)
