Interstellar Nonsense

(Yeah... yeah... WHAT?!) (Mmm-hm, okay, okay—) Yo they came down from the sky last Tuesday Smelled like burnt cheese and plasma, I ain't gon' lie (Whoo!) I was sitting on my stoop eating cold spaghetti These big-headed bastards landed — SHIT — I wasn't ready Green motherfuckers, seven feet, got four damn eyes Looked at me like I was crazy — BITCH I live in the sky of MY mind One of 'em poked me with a glowing silver stick I said "yo watch your hands, what the FUCK is this?!" They beamed up my neighbor Gerald — man I can't feel bad Gerald was a asshole anyway, good riddance dad (Ha! Gerald!) Spaceship smell like burning rubber and old cologne I told them take me home but these fools took me to the ozone ZOOM — past Jupiter, Saturn got a fine-ass ring I screamed "put me DOWN" but they just did their alien thing (Whoo-HOO!) Aliens coming down, they don't give a DAMN Probing everybody, got a master plan I said "hell no, I ain't going in that ship" They said (spoken alien gibberish) — and I flipped! Interstellar NONSENSE (nonsense!) Cosmic bullSHIT (woo!) They abducted my behind and I can't explain it Interstellar NONSENSE! Now I'm floating in their vessel, walls all made of light These creatures playing what sounds like 1984 R&B — THAT'S TIGHT One of 'em doing the running man — ain't even got legs I said "where the HELL you learn that?!" got scrambled like eggs They showed me pictures of the Earth — we looking raggedy I said "I KNOW, that ain't news, stop showing ME" Their leader walked in, big forehead, tiny feet Smelled like ozone and feet and some kinda space meat (Oh LORD) He bowed to me real slow, said I was "the chosen one" I said "CHOSEN FOR WHAT?!" — homie started to run Turns out they picked me random, computer glitch malfunction Put me back on Earth real fast at a random highway junction BUTT NAKED — three a.m. — standing by a Sunoco I said "you interstellar MFs better reimburse me yo!" (HA!) Aliens coming down, they don't give a DAMN Probing everybody, got a master plan I said "hell no, I ain't going in that ship" They said (spoken alien gibberish) — and I flipped! Interstellar NONSENSE (nonsense!) Cosmic bullSHIT (woo!) They abducted my behind and I can't explain it Interstellar NONSENSE! (Singing, half-rapped) They came from a billion lightyears away Just to mess with meeeee — on a Tuesday! (What?! Why me?! WHY ME?!) Got the whole universe, galaxies everywhere And they picking on me in my UNDERWEAR (Oh come ON now—) Filed a police report, cop looked at me sideways I said "write it DOWN — alien abduction, TUESDAY" He said "sir were you drinking?" — THAT AIN'T THE POINT They flew a spacecraft to MY block and lifted my joint! (My WALLET, man — they took the wallet) Now every night I look up at the stars real suspicious These extraterrestrial clowns out here too ambitious If they come back I got a plan: aluminum hat Three dogs, a fog machine, and a cricket bat (That's RIGHT) You want to mess with humans? Mess with someone else I'm a complicated individual — protect yourself! (WOO! Ha! Okay! Mmm!) Interstellar... nonsense... (Yeah... yeah... they ain't coming back) (Gerald still up there somewhere) (Gerald you alright?!) (Probably not... ha!) *[DJ scratching fades out]*