Kicked Outta Heaven, Too Drunk for Hell

(Verse 1) Woke up in a dumpster behind St. Jude’s Pants half off, mouth fulla booze Preacher said, “Son, you ain’t got no grace” I said, “Neither do you with that look on your face” (Verse 2) I pissed on the gate of the pearly kind Tried to play a hymn but forgot the line So I kicked down Hell’s rusty door Devil said, “Nah, man—you ain't fun no more” (Chorus) Kicked outta Heaven, too drunk for Hell Slurred my prayers and I cursed too well Ain’t no harp, just a busted slide And a bottle I treat like a Goddamn bride (Verse 3) My ex called the cops, said I ain't right But she still shows up when the jukebox bites Got a black eye from a priest in Baton Rouge And a tattoo from a night I still can’t prove (Verse 4) I gargle guilt and spit out sin Wash my face in a puddle of gin Jesus hung out with thieves and drunks— I just took that shit a little too punk (Chorus) Kicked outta Heaven, too drunk for Hell I moan like a dog and I ring like a bell They said, “Boy, you ain't lost—you’re just rot” I said, “Good. I make rot sound hot.” (You can smell this solo. It smells like sweat and apologies.) (Verse 5) My boots are cursed, my guitar’s mean I tuned it once with meth and caffeine I don’t do clean, I don’t do calm I just spit out blues like a barroom bomb (Final Chorus) Kicked outta Heaven, too drunk for Hell Too broke for grace, too loud to sell So I play in the cracks where the sinners crawl With a voice full of rust and a three-day drawl (Outro) So if you hear a howl at closing time That ain’t no ghost—it’s a song of mine Scraped from a throat too rough to heal— Just me and the blues… too damn real