The Golden Glitch (Saw Version)

"Walls are sweatin', innit? Or maybe that’s just me. Gary nicked the dog... but left the bleedin' leash. Typical. Proper mug, that one." Walls are paper fin, I hear the neighbors munch Breedin' radioactive hamsters for their bloody lunch? Ceilin’s leakin' gravy, floor’s a right old state A pigeon nicked me bins—cheers for that, mate! Tried to brew a cuppa, but the sink began to hiss Out popped a letter sayin’: "You don't exist." Zonk-zap, bibberty-pop! The sky is fallin' and it’s gonna go plop! Life is a lemon and I’m out of juice Me brain is a goose on the absolute loose! Me bride from the catalog, she was a ten, no doubt 'Til she and Gary and 'is 'en decided to clear out. Nicked me identity, me slippers, and me pride Even the bloomin' goldfish committed suicide. Then at the factory, the big boss starts to shout: "We've got 'undred workers, and the computer picked you out!" Fired me via mime, then a meteorite hit the car Only bloke I know who gets clocked by a fallin' star. Tried to drown me sorrows, but the water was bone dry. Tried to find the limit, but I’m too skint to fly. But 'old up... found a ticket in me soggy shoe Caked in mustard and a bit of bird poo. Checked the 'ologram, saw the neon glow I’ve won ten billion, boys, I’m ready to go! I’m buyin' the moon, I’m buyin' Gary’s soul I’m fillin' up the bathtub wiv solid gold! Oi! Listen 'ere, Gary... Ya can keep me post-ordah gel She's a bit of nuffin', just a fake lil' pearl I fink she’s rubbish, yeah, a proper mess I wouldn’t bovva wiv 'er, I must confess! Zonk-zap, I’m leavin' the zoo! Adios, neighbors! Eat me golden dust! Me toaster is platinum, your life is just rust!