[Spoken intro] [Captain] Last last song! [Crew] That's bullshit! [Parrot] Bullshit! Bullshit! [Captain] Oh, we're fucked. [Verse 1 - Captain with female and parrot replies] Tripped on the Trip Line, landed in beer; Porchlight Pirates yelled, "Captain's here!" Parked my golf-cart ship by the ice machine; The Cardboard Kraken said, "Keep that shit clean!" "Bridget's Booty" was the jukebox roar; She stole my hat and moonwalked out the door. [Captain] I'm a bastard, feared and adored! [Parrot] He cried when she fixed his door! [Chorus - Captain and crew] Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] WHAT THE FUCK? [Captain] All mouth, no manners, shit outta luck. Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] YOU SALTY ASS! [Captain] Hoist the Main and raise that glass. Big bad captain, cheap little squawk, Who the fuck taught that bird to talk? [Verse 2 - Captain and woman trading lines] Treasure Map X had an X on my pants. [Woman] That's the laundry tag. Learn to dance. [Captain] Come Empty-Handed? [Woman] Bring something to drink. [Captain] I know a secret. [Woman] We know. You stink. [Captain] You'll Never Get My Treasure! I roared. [Woman] That's loose change. Put it aboard. My swagger said thunder; my boots went squeak. [Parrot] Big talk for a man seasick in a creek! [Chorus - Captain and crew] Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] WHAT THE FUCK? [Captain] All mouth, no manners, shit outta luck. Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] YOU SALTY ASS! [Captain] Hoist the Main and raise that glass. Big bad captain, cheap little squawk, Who the fuck taught that bird to talk? [Bridge - Half-spoken over bass and sax] Benign Taste left. Aftertaste stayed. Net Weight: bullshit. That's what it weighed. [Woman] Zero Ft-lbs! Look at that strut! [Parrot] All that sail and a cardboard butt! [Captain] Enough! Who taught him that? [Crew] YOU DID! NOW LIVE WITH THAT! [Final chorus - All voices] Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] WHAT THE FUCK? [Captain] All mouth, no manners, shit outta luck. Talk that pirate talk! [Crew] YOU SALTY ASS! [Captain] Hoist the Main and raise that glass. Big bad captain, cheap little squawk, Who the fuck taught that bird to talk? [Spoken outro] [Captain] One More Port? [Crew] HOME PORT! [Captain] Fine. Polite words only. [Parrot] Please shut the fuck up.
