It is not pain I feel within it is the winter wind from East Siberia which is here now the wind is more than cold  numb expansive  vast empty a chill for ever unhinged by searching  any hazy horizon seeking a desperate wasteland  for a Madness  of a new life  which will  declare me make me humanly sane lost through the wandering I am cold as her body laid in shallow earth  damp in the fine continuing rain which turns to snow frozen together in time  as I walk the shore a friend passes me unable or unwilling  to recognize me  afraid to see the loss she might find in my eyes lost in the confusion  of love's imaginings  Stumbling almost blind through the midnight frost  the fears of generations  passed one to the next surround me   my dog and her bark  art with me  and I fear no evil strangers hands reach out to touch me there  to bring a temporary stay  an ecstasy of relief in times past  I have to admit   to have taken some comfort there  but now it is for a price I cannot afford for its true delight is in the rebellion it speaks of a small revolt against the fear by which we live  and there is no joy in that my dog waits patiently ever ready to leave telling me it is the time and we must go that is the promise  of unconditional love memory is lost all thoughts of human life abandoned