Last Man Laughing

[INTRO — 2 BARS] [Funeral organ, vinyl crackle, rain] [Male spoken, deadpan] Dearly beloved… I appreciate the turnout. [Phone rings inside coffin] [Whisper] That’s embarrassing. [HOOK — IMMEDIATE, HARD 808 DROP] They came to bury me, I came to steal the show. They brought a box— I brought a microphone! Black suit, big grin, Whole room gasping. Curtain up, lights on— Last man laughing! [CHOPPED VOCAL — RHYTHMIC] Ha! Ha! Who’s the joke now? Ha! Ha! Look who’s back now! [INSTRUMENTAL STING — 4 BARS] [Distorted 808, three-note violin riff] [Low brass blasts, trap snare] [VERSE 1 — DRY COMEDIC FLOW] Front pew full of professional grief, One guy crying into somebody else’s sleeve. My boss brought flowers and a little white card: “Rest in peace. By the way, can I have your parking card?” My critic wore a tie and a borrowed expression, Called my downfall “a valuable lesson.” Had the nerve to deliver a heartfelt toast, Then asked the photographer to tag him in the post. My ex sent a wreath with a delicate bow, Said, “Sorry you couldn’t make it somehow.” My accountant checked the flowers for receipts, Said, “Can we write this off if the body still speaks?” [FLOW SWITCH — QUICK, TIGHT INTERNAL RHYMES] Silk-lined box, six gold handles, Whole front row sitting there clutching candles. I hear them rehearsing a tragic conclusion— Hard to stay dead through this much confusion. [PRE-CHORUS — ORCHESTRAL BUILD] [Staccato strings, choir rising] They wrote the ending, They rented the stage. They picked the flowers, Forgot to check the grave. [Beat cuts] [Male spoken] Small administrative error. [CHORUS — HUGE, CHANTABLE] They came to bury me, I came to steal the show. They brought a box— I brought a microphone! Black suit, big grin, Whole room gasping. Curtain up, lights on— Last man laughing! [GROUP RESPONSE — PROCESSED MALE LAYERS] Ha! Ha! Who’s the joke now? Ha! Ha! Look who’s back now! [DROP 1 — 8 BARS] [Sinister violin riff, huge 808] [Brass stabs, trap hats, snare rolls] [Short chopped laughter, record scratch] [No sung lead] [VERSE 2 — CONFIDENT, FASTER FLOW] They printed my obituary, spelled my name wrong, Put a picture of a stranger with his shades on. Even my enemies complained about the frame— “You could’ve picked a better picture of the shame.” The preacher said, “He left us far too soon,” I said, “Actually, I just stepped out of the room.” Everybody froze, somebody spilled their tea, One guy asked if the funeral came with parking free. I took the microphone, adjusted the stand, Said, “Thanks for all the speeches. This was never the plan.” You can keep the black roses, keep the expensive stone, But somebody tell the caterer I’m taking dessert home. [DOUBLE-TIME FLOW — 4 BARS] Big talk, small print, fake tears, cheap grin, They were counting every loss while I was clocking wins. New page, fresh ink, same name, new spin, They shut the curtains early—I was walking in! [PRE-CHORUS — DRUMS CUT] They wrote the ending, They rented the stage. They picked the flowers, Forgot to check the grave. [Male spoken] Read the room, gentlemen. [CHORUS — FULL ORCHESTRA] They came to bury me, I came to steal the show. They brought a box— I brought a microphone! Black suit, big grin, Whole room gasping. Curtain up, lights on— Last man laughing! [ORCHESTRAL SOLO — 12 BARS] [4 bars: rapid staccato violin lead] [4 bars: low brass answers, piano glissando] [4 bars: full 808 and string ostinato] [Record scratch, flanger, abrupt stop] [No vocals] [BRIDGE — COMEDY TURNS SINCERE] [Single detuned piano, no drums] [Male spoken, intimate] Here’s the part they got wrong. I wasn’t gone. I was getting better where nobody could see. [Pause] Funny how they all showed up Once they thought the story was over. [Short silence] Well… I saved you a seat. [BUILD — 8 BARS] [Heartbeat sub, rising choir] [Rapid violin ostinato, brass crescendo] [Trap snare roll, rising 808 pitch] [Male whisper] One last thing… [HARD SILENCE] [FINAL DROP — EXPLOSIVE] [Full cinematic orchestra and trap drums] [Distorted 808, brass falls, aggressive violin] Black suit! Big grin! Open that box— Let the show begin! No gravestone! No tragic ending! I took the mic— And rewrote the ending! [FINAL HOOK] They came to bury me, I came to steal the show. They brought a box— I brought a microphone! Curtain up, lights on— Last man laughing! [OUTRO — 4 BARS] [Funeral organ returns, drums fade] [Male spoken, perfectly deadpan] Beautiful service. [Pause] Terrible surprise party. [Single coffin knock] [END]