When I’m Not Angry

[Verse 1] You used to slam the cupboard doors Call me every name you knew I learned to raise my voice like armor I learned that storm from you Glass on the linoleum floor You saying I ruined your life I took that story like a tattoo Etched it under all this fire [Chorus] When I’m not angry I just want to ask you once If I had smiled softer Would you have called me “son”? When I’m not yelling There’s a boy that comes undone He just wishes he knew How to be a better son [Verse 2] Report cards on the kitchen table Straight A’s you never read I thought if I was perfect You’d kiss my forehead instead You said I talked too loud at dinner Said my laugh cut like a knife So I swallowed every question Choking on my own shy [Chorus] When I’m not angry I just want to ask you once If I had been quieter Would you have called me “son”? When I’m not yelling There’s a boy that comes undone He just wishes he knew How to be a better son [Bridge] Was I too much Or was I never enough? Did you see a child Or a mirror you couldn’t love? (oh) I replay every moment Like I can rewrite what’s done Still searching in the wreckage For the shape of a better son [Chorus] When I’m not angry I’m just standing in that kitchen Holding out my small hands Waiting for a different ending When I’m not yelling All the armor comes undone And I’m left with one question Could I ever be your son?