[Verse 1] The telemarketer called me up Said, “Is your friend in the building?” I almost laughed, I bit my lip At how that question sounded ’Cause just an hour before that call I’d finished up my craft A little home improvement job With… permanent impact [Pre-Chorus] Spackle smooth and painted clean You’d never see a seam It’s modern art with structure parts And maybe just a scream [Chorus] Yes, my friend is in the house Standing tall and proud Right there by my lovely spouse Blending in with the crowd Holding up the walls so well They really do their part It’s open concept living… with A slightly twisted heart [Verse 2] They say that I’m a little off Or maybe just unwell But no one’s said a word to me Since everyone fell… still My wife, my kids, my dogs, my cats All helping out, you see A family that builds together Stays together… permanently [Pre-Chorus] Contractors charge a hefty fee But I found my own crew They didn’t sign a single form But wow, they followed through [Chorus] Yes, my friend is in the house Next to all the rest Load-bearing relationships Performing at their best If these walls could talk, they would— But silence works just fine A quiet home is peaceful when It’s sealed up tight with lime [Bridge] Oh, Edgar would be proud of me My craftsmanship, my flair A little gothic décor choice With bodies… here and there Does it smell? Well, not no more Bleach goes a long, long way And waterproofing solved the leaks That showed up yesterday [Verse 3] The phone it rings, they ask again “For Judy, is she near?” I pause a while, I scratch my head “Now where’d I put my dear?” The garden? Shed? The basement stairs? Decisions, decisions… oh! Wait—no appointments open now She’s booked… indefinitely so [Final Chorus] Yes, they’re all here in the house Safe from wind and rain A solid, tight-knit family Encased in my domain So call again, I’ll gladly say With calm and cheerful tone: “Of course they’re here—just not right now… Please leave a message at the tone.”
