Title: THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN Spoken intro: You ever have a bad day and just said “fuck it, what’s the worst that can happen?” Well this is about one of those times. Here we go! [Upbeat acoustic intro — crowd noise] [Verse 1] It was half past ten on a no-good night Couldn’t win a damn thing if we tried Nate was pissed, Landry blamed his gun I was two bad games from callin’ it done Then Esh marked a spot way across the map Right in the middle of a goddamn trap We said, “Esh, brother, that’s a terrible plan” He laughed through the headset and said— ESH: “What’s the worst that can happen, man?” [Band stops] Well… We hit the ground and the bullets flew Nate got dropped before he knew what to do Landry went left, I got shot from the right And Esh was dead before we finished the fight [Crowd laughter] [Chorus] WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! [Crowd repeats] WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! Well, apparently every damn thing! You can tempt bad luck, you can test your fate But don’t say those words when it’s already late When the night’s gone wrong And your luck’s run thin Don’t look at the boys with that stupid-ass grin And say— “What’s the worst that can happen?” ‘Cause you’re probably ‘bout to find out! [Verse 2] You’re drivin’ on E and you’re runnin’ behind Gas light’s been on since a quarter past nine Your buddy says, “There’s a station ahead” But you pass it and tell him instead— “What’s the worst that can happen?” [Band stops] Three miles later on the interstate You’re walkin’ with a gas can, cussin’ your fate Phone’s on one percent, rain comin’ down And that station you passed was the last one in town [Chorus] WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! [Crowd repeats] WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! Well, apparently every damn thing! You can tempt bad luck, you can test your fate But don’t say those words when it’s already late When the night’s gone wrong And your luck’s run thin Don’t look at the boys with that stupid-ass grin And say— “What’s the worst that can happen?” ‘Cause you’re probably ‘bout to find out! [Verse 3] You’re five beers deep at a backyard fire Someone found fireworks and a pair of pliers Nate says, “Maybe we should leave those alone” Esh grabs a lighter like a man full-grown Says— “What’s the worst that can happen?” [Band stops — crowd anticipates] Well the neighbor called the cops at ten-oh-three There’s a Roman candle stuck in a maple tree Landry lost an eyebrow, nobody knows how And we’re never gettin’ invited back there now [Instrumental / crowd laughter] [Verse 4] Your wife says, “Does this dress look tight?” And every married man knows there’s one answer right But Esh leans back, takes a sip of his beer Looks death itself in the eye with no fear— [Band drops out] “What’s the worst that can happen?” [Long silence] [Band crashes back in] Now he’s sleepin’ downstairs with a blanket and sheets Got a pillow, phone charger, and nowhere to be She took the dog upstairs, locked the bedroom door And somehow he’s still wonderin’ what he said that for [Bridge — half-time, clap along] So if the grill smells funny— Don’t say it! If the check-engine light comes on— Don’t say it! If your boss says, “Can we talk?”— Hell no! If the cops knock twice— You better damn well know! If Nate’s got a controller And he’s losin’ by ten… [Music stops] “What’s the worst that can happen?” [Band explodes back in] [FINAL CHORUS — full crowd] WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! CROWD: EVERY DAMN THING! WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?! CROWD: EVERY DAMN THING! We’ve tested our luck We’ve tempted our fate And somehow we still keep listenin’ to Eshner say— “Boys, trust me, I got a plan!” From Battlefield drops To the choices we make There’s a lesson in every disaster we create When the night’s gone wrong And there ain’t no wins left— Just remember one thing… [Band cuts out] ESH: “Seriously, boys… What’s the worst that can happen?” [Distant crash] Singer: “Goddammit, Esh.” [Huge final chord / crowd cheering]
