WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER (Cover)

I EAT GUNS FOR BREAKFAST AND FREEDOM FOR DESSERT MY COUSIN IS MY WIFE AND I’M PROUD OF THIS SHIRT I got a trailer on wheels and a flag on my face Every second cousin’s my soulmate, just in case Can’t fit through the door ‘cause I’m big boned (yeah right) But my WiFi hits harder than a drone strike I fry butter, dip it in cheese My insulin pump got a damn degree If you ain’t from here, then stay in your land ‘Cause our school shooters double as a marching band WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** I count steps in Big Macs! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** My uncle’s also my dad! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** I pledge allegiance to beef! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** We export war and grief! Our healthcare’s a gamble, but my scratch card hits Got a tank in my garage, but can’t afford s**t I grill propane in a hurricane With a Diet Coke IV in my candy vein We make bombs, not friends, just ask Iraq Then blame literally anyone for the counterattack Our history books got DLC And our porn stars run for presidency I shot my reflection for lookin’ too foreign Gave my kid a Glock before he started teething I wear camo to the wedding, the funeral, the trial Then sue McDonald's for makin' me fertile and vile WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** I use tanks for therapy! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** I put ketchup on my beef degree! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** We breed like NASCAR pits! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** Every mall has at least three terrorists! I thought Europe was a brand of cheese And Africa’s just where lions sneeze “Do they got air over there?” I asked Then shot a globe for lookin’ too black I don’t need maps, I got vibes and faith If you speak two languages, that’s fake I failed world history but passed gym twice And I think Australia’s full of ice WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** That’s commie math from space! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** Ain’t no France in my state! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** I count days by burgers flipped! WHAT THE F* IS A KILOMETER?!** Your culture? Just foreign s**t! “Finland’s not real, I checked.” “Canada’s our parking lot.” “I thought sushi was just fish McNuggets.” “Wait, there’s more than one Korea??” “English is the only language, and even then... not really.” Land of the free Home of the binge Where we swap DNA And burn every bridge We shoot first Then ask what race you are We’re America, baby You can’t spell terror without “AR” I’m armed! I'm alarmed, and overfed My couch has more stains than the national debt So roll that metric globe off a cliff I’m AMERICAN. I don’t need to exist.