[Intro – Wind through trees, plucked fiddle loop, sub-bass swell] (Yo) He ridin’ like legend, but it’s all hot air Swore he’s Robin Hood — bruv, you ain’t got the hair Pull up in lace boots talkin’ “Stand and deliver!” More like “Trip and collapse by the pub with a shiver” [Verse 1 – Grime flow over trap beat + harpsichord sample] He zipped from a hedge in a ruffle-neck blouse Shoutin’ “I’m Turpin!” like someone should care Pulled flintlocks from under his powdered wig Then dropped ’em both tryna aim in the air Man tried flex on a bishop’s cart — Horse said “nah,” dumped him in a marsh Made TikToks in a tavern chair Tried shootin’ shadows, missed the air He wrote broadsheets, paid some criers “Tell ‘em I rode from London in fires!” Fam, that story’s literally fake Your midnight ride? 1838 [Chorus – grime chant hook, percussive rhymes, smart repetition] TURPIN-OOOOH! Talk brave — man buckled and dipped Talk blade — man fumbled the grip Talk fame — man’s myth got clipped Talk game — man’s script got ripped TURPIN-OOOOH! Big coat — no guts inside Big talk — but he run, not ride Big wig — but the truth don’t lie Big swing — then he missed, then cried [Verse 2 – Beat darker, hi-hats skitter, hurdy-gurdy hums] Met a gang — the Gregory lot They robbed some farms, he nicked a pot Tried to blaze like he’s head of the crew Got one lad shot, then blamed it on dew Changed his name, hid up north Flogged fake deeds like “Martian turf” Drank in taverns, preached like a priest Shot a bird, got cuffed by police Not a metaphor — an actual bird Shot a cockerel, then wrote some words “Dear Dad,” he penned, like all was sound But his writing was loud — got him found [Bridge – Slow grime spoken word over heartbeat pulse & low cello] Came to court in a coat too bright Paid folks to cry — what a sight Stood on the gallows, gave a wink Swung like a champ — what did he think? [Final Chorus – full drop, chant-heavy, call-and-response grime cadence] TURPIN-OOOOH! He ain’t road He ain’t rich He ain’t bold He just snitch TURPIN-OOOOH! He got nicked He got clocked He got bait Then he got dropped TURPIN-OOOOH! Wrote bars — they flopped Tried rides — they stopped Said “legend” — got mocked Now he hangs in a plot [Outro – Beat fades, wind + crow caw + whispered laugh] (History’s fool…) (Dickie boy with a dream and a debt…) (Stand and deliver? More like stand and regret) [Instrumental fade out – cold wind, bowed fiddle drone, 808 pulse slowing to silence]
