I’m sure you’ve tried to be Tried to be an adult Maybe you succeed And that’s your fault But if you ask me I’ve had some unique obstructions Some hurdles with claws Some hairy disruptions It’s bears! They stop me From doin what I’m supposed to It’s bears! It’s shocking Unable to do what most do Do I look like I have gills? Are they in it for the thrills? How the hell do they know when I’m trying to pay my bills?! I know it seems unlikely I didn’t come to your thing Because a bear tried to bite me Couldn’t hear my phone ring Hell, I guess I’m lucky That I always get away But I’m not playing hooky Every single day! (Nope!) It’s bears! They stop me From doin what I could do It’s bears! They stock me I’d ask you for help but would you? We’d fight them By calling their employers Gaslight them Hire good anti-bear lawyers to bears we must look pretty small they’re giant baby bear protectors, after all But that doesn’t seem to fool them at all So you can tell my bill collectors… When they call!!! It’s bears! (It’s bears) That’s why I’m coming up short It’s bears (yep bears) Ruined my credit report! It’s bears!!!!!!!! [Instrumental break] It’s bears! (It’s bears) Always shaking it up It’s bears (yep bears) Swear I’m not makin it up! It’s shocking No knocking Just breaking down the door to stop me From calling my mom From mowing my lawn From catching up on taxes It’s why I always miss piccolo practice It’s bears! They stop me From doin what I’m supposed to It’s bears! It’s shocking Unable to do what most do It’s bears It’s bears It’s bears Not lions Not tigers It’s bears (Oh my!)
