[Verse 1] Sunrise finds me on the bench, gavel in my hand Another day in court, serving this great land First up, a fella, eyes like steel, no license in his pocket Said he's "traveling freely," like some kind of human rocket City offered him a deal, a fine, a class, a simple plea But he went on 'bout admiralty, and how he wasn't really "he" Read from dusty binders, legal words he didn't grasp Talked about his "strawman," trying hard to make it last Found him guilty, plain as day, case closed, another one done Just another pro se idiot, who thought he'd outrun the sun. [Chorus] Oh, the things I hear in this courtroom, day in and day out Folks who think they're smarter, without a shadow of a doubt They pull their facts from fever dreams, logic twisted and obscure Just another pro se idiot, standing right before my door. [Verse 2] Next, a woman, middle-aged, hair in a perfect bun Called the cops to the city park, said her peaceful day was done Claimed a man attacked her, terror in her tearful gaze Turns out he just had Fido off the leash in grassy maze She was just upset about the rules, her sense of entitlement high Thought a false report would teach that dog owner, by and by Tried to play the victim, spin a tale of dire plight But the cameras told a different story, shining ever so bright Dismissed her case with a warning, for wasting everyone's time Just another pro se idiot, committing a petty crime. [Chorus] Oh, the things I hear in this courtroom, day in and day out Folks who think they're smarter, without a shadow of a doubt They pull their facts from fever dreams, logic twisted and obscure Just another pro se idiot, standing right before my door. [Verse 3] Then a couple, hand in hand, facing their landlord's claim Said they hadn't paid the rent, callin' it a "legal game" Pulled a shredded paper out, with a triumph in their eyes "Your Honor," they declared, "this lease no longer applies! We tore it up, you see, so the contract's null and void!" Like breaking dishes means the meal was never quite enjoyed Tried to argue "squatter's rights," with smiles and empty plea Their logic was astounding, a sight to truly see Ordered them to pay up, or face eviction's bitter sting Just another pro se idiot, who thinks tearing paper changes everything. [Outro] Yeah, another day is done, another stack of files grows high Wonder how many more of them, will walk beneath this sky Thinking they've found loopholes, in the law's clear, steady pace Just another pro se idiot, gracing my court with their face. [Guitar riff fades out with a final drum hit]
