[Tempo: 90 BPM, 4/4] [Style: Energetic country with acoustic guitar, upright bass, fiddle, banjo. No electric guitar leads. Male vocal, deep, husky, strong Southern accent. Sarcastic tone, mock-serious. Optional backing vocals and choir harmonies. Total length: ~3:30 min. Pauses and backing vocal cues marked inline in square brackets.] [Notes: - Acoustic guitar strumming throughout, bright and lively. - Fiddle provides melodic fills between lines. - Banjo emphasizes rhythm on off-beats. - Upright bass keeps steady, punchy groove. - Male vocal deep, husky, sarcastic; slight pitch variations encouraged. - Keep total track under 4 minutes, ideal ~3:30.] [Verse 1] Lord, what a mess that booze had born. Once upon a time, a country singer ran, To the hospital, bare-assed, Yelling like a madman, With his poor limp dick all scratched and torn. [Pause 1s] [Break 1] Drinkin’, runnin’, laughin’ at the storm, Life’s a goddamn mess, but that’s the norm. [Backing vocals optional: “yee-haw!”] [Verse 2] He poured that cheap rye down his throat ’til morn, Saw Ringleted something in the bushes, thought, “Sweet Lord, amen!” A curly something, with wet fire in its glen, And eyes that mourned and burned horny. [Backing vocals: “Aww!”] [Pause 0.5s] [Verse 3] He poured her moonshine, feeling bold and drawn, The Ringy just stood there, waiting true, No haste, no flinch, she knew just what to do, A spark flew quick, like love at first dawn. [Backing vocals: “Aww!”] [Break 2] Boots a-stompin’, hearts a-thumpin’ fast, In this crazy town, nothing ever lasts. [Pause 1s] [Verse 4] He stepped to oral play, his tongue all worn, Singing sonnets, crooning tunes she’d never heard, He told a tale, each line a little stirred, The Kinky just went [perform a goat-like “baa-aa” sound] baa-aa, baa-aa forlorn. [Pause 0.5s] [Verse 5] Through thorny brush he shot, a panicked horror, Bare-assed, his poor shriveled cock all scratched and grand, Cursing loud, he broke the town’s calm stand, Rippin’ through the streets like a wounded boar. [Backing vocals: boar-squeal] [Break 3] Whiskey running wild, the night’s a roar, Every redneck tale leaves you beggin’ for more. [Pause 1s] [Verse 6] He limped to the hospital, bent and sore, Mourning his cruel, unlucky lore, Mind your goats, your cats, your chickens, y’all, Way too many drunk-ass country singers galore. [Backing vocals optional: “yee-haw!”] [Break 4 - Outro] Whiskey running wild, the night’s a roar, Life’s a goddamn mess, but that’s the norm. [Backing vocals: classic cowboy “whoa-oh!” ] Mind your goats, your cats, your chickens, y’all, Way too many drunk-ass country singers galore. [Backing vocals optional: “yee-haw!”]
