I have teeth now. And that changes nothing. I used to bite my tongue. Now I bite spoons. Zirconia. It’s not real, but it’s harder than most people I know. Someone knocked out my front teeth and I said, "Cool, now I can spit without friction." No regrets. Only receipts. Happy happy — I'm not happy, but I'm symmetrical now. My smile sets off airport alarms and that feels like a win. CALCIUM GETS SHY! SHOW ME A BONE THAT SURVIVED A DIVORCE. ZIRCONIA DID. ZIRCONIA THRIVES. Comfort? I saw comfort behind a glass case next to a sign that said "Out of Order." So I licked the glass. I licked it clean. My dentist said, "You're going to love these." I don’t. But I show them anyway. Because nothing says "stay back" like a perfect bite radius. ENAMEL SMILE! THIS IS A THREAT DISPLAY! I’M SMILING! ARE YOU NERVOUS YET?
