**The Ash Still Knows Your Name**

I’m Still Here Without You [Verse 1 — low, hollow] Your coat is still behind the door, I haven’t moved it since that night. It still carries your perfume, So I hold it when I cannot sleep at night. There’s a message on my phone I’ve played a thousand times. You’re laughing halfway through it, Before you say, “I love you. Goodnight.” I used to think that love was endless, That nothing strong could disappear. Then I watched a tear fall down your cheek When the doctor said what we both feared. You reached across the silence, Put your shaking hand in mine. I told you we would beat it— But I knew that I was lying. [Pre-Chorus — trembling] You said, “Don’t let your life end with me.” I promised I would try. But I started dying with you Long before you closed your eyes. [Chorus — painful belt] I wasn’t ready to lose you! I wasn’t ready for the end! You were my love, my home, my future, My safest place, my closest friend! Now I’m screaming at your pictures, Asking why you had to go. I know the ashes cannot answer, But they’re all of you I hold. And the world keeps moving forward, Like your death changed nothing here. But my whole life ended quietly When your heartbeat disappeared. I’m still breathing— But I don’t know why. Because living without you Feels like taking years to die. [Verse 2 — fragile and breaking] Your side of the bed stays empty, But I still leave the lamp on low. Somewhere in my broken thinking, I believe it helps you find your way back home. I still buy the things you loved, Then remember at the till. I still turn to tell you something, And for one second, you are with me still. Then the room becomes a graveyard, And the silence pulls me down. I hear your laughter in my memory, But I can’t remember the exact sound. That is what terrifies me— Not only that you’re gone, But that time keeps stealing pieces Of the person I still love. [Pre-Chorus — voice cracking] You said, “Remember me smiling. Please don’t remember all the pain.” But the last time that I held you Plays inside my head again. [Chorus — larger belt] I wasn’t ready to lose you! I wasn’t ready for goodbye! You were supposed to grow old beside me, Not become a reason that I cry! Now I’m begging all our pictures To take me back to yesterday. Before the hospital, before the silence, Before they took your body away. Your ashes sit beside me, Cold and quiet on the shelf. How can everything I loved about you Fit inside something I can hold myself? I’m still breathing— But every breath feels wrong. Because the one who taught me how to live Is the reason I can’t go on. [Bridge — intimate, broken phrases] I-I-I still talk to you… When no one else is here. I tell you about my morning Like you’re somewhere close enough to hear. I tell you that I’m angry. I tell you I’m afraid. I tell you I’m sorry For every mistake I ever made. I’m sorry for the little fights. I’m sorry for the wasted days. I’m sorry for the wasted days. I’m sorry for the times you needed me And I looked the other way. I thought we had more time. God, I thought we had more time. There were places we had planned to see. There were birthdays left to share. There was a chair beside my rocking chair That will always remain bare. You asked me not to follow. You asked me to survive. But you never told me how to carry A heart that died while I’m alive. [Climax — uncontrolled belting] SO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU! TELL ME HOW TO WAKE ALONE! TELL ME WHY I STILL HAVE A HOUSE WHEN YOU WERE MY ONLY HOME! TELL ME WHY MY HEART KEEPS BEATING WHEN IT HAS NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE! YOU MADE ME PROMISE I WOULD CARRY ON— BUT THIS ISN’T LIVING! I NEED YOU HERE! I NEED YOUR VOICE! I NEED THE LIFE WE DIDN’T GET! I NEED ONE MORE ORDINARY MORNING I WILL NEVER HAVE AGAIN! I WOULD GIVE AWAY TOMORROW! I WOULD GIVE UP EVERY YEAR! JUST TO FEEL YOUR HAND INSIDE OF MINE AND WHISPER, “I AM HERE!” But you’re not here… You’re not here… You’re never coming home. [Final Chorus — enormous, shattered belt] I will