Scared of Tomorrow

I'm feeling so bad Like I'm a burden on my family A mistake in a dress A fraud with shaking hands I spent so long taking care of everyone else I never learned how to take care of me Now the people who leaned on me are gone And the house feels too quiet to stay in I keep reaching for sleep like it’ll carry me out But every time I close my eyes, I see my mother on the floor That room, that day, the look on her face It keeps playing back when I need it to stop I'm scared of tomorrow I'm scared of my own head I don't know how to start again When everything I knew is missing I keep thinking I should know what to do next How to pay the bills, how to answer the phone How to be myself and still be enough How to stand here on my own But grief doesn't come with instructions It just leaves the dishes, the pills, the chair And I am standing in the middle of it Trying not to disappear I keep reaching for sleep like it’ll carry me out But every time I close my eyes, I see my mother on the floor That room, that day, the look on her face It keeps playing back when I need it to stop I'm scared of tomorrow I'm scared of my own head And I stand there, shaking Trying to find a reason To stay standing at all Maybe I don't have to solve it tonight Maybe I just have to get through it Drink some water Reach out to someone Let the minute pass Let the next one come Let the morning come in slow I keep reaching for sleep like it’ll carry me out But I'm here, still here, even now The house is quiet, but I'm not gone And I carry my mother's love in me I'm scared of tomorrow I'm still not sure how to start again But maybe I can make one small step