[Verse 1] Friday morning, bags packed by the door Already thinking ’bout what I was doing after work Got my truck cleaned up, got money in my pocket Then First Sergeant walks in smiling like a damn psychopath Says, “Nobody leave, formation in five” Every soldier in the room suddenly wants to die We already know what this bullshit means Somebody from battalion’s chasing clean piss again [Pre-Chorus] Grab your ID, grab your cup Line your asses up There goes the whole damn day [Chorus] Whoa-oh-oh, Sergeant Pecker-Checker’s back again Watching grown men piss like we’re criminals or kids Whoa-oh-oh, there ain’t no pride left to defend Just a bunch of pissed-off troops waiting on the weekend Stand right there, don’t turn around Eyes on the wall, don’t make a sound Whoa-oh-oh, welcome to the Army game Sergeant Pecker-Checker knows your name [Verse 2] Johnson’s on his fourth bottle and he’s still bone dry Looking like he’s about to fucking cry Murphy’s pacing circles by the sink Trying to squeeze out one more drop and willing himself to think Three hours later nobody’s laughing now The coffee was a mistake and everybody knows how Every bathroom trip turns into a damn event And somehow this counts as government time well spent [Pre-Chorus] Move it up, next in line Hurry up and waste more time The military way survives again [Chorus] Whoa-oh-oh, Sergeant Pecker-Checker’s back again Watching grown men piss like we’re criminals or kids Whoa-oh-oh, there ain’t no pride left to defend Just a bunch of pissed-off troops waiting on the weekend Stand right there, don’t turn around Eyes on the wall, don’t make a sound Whoa-oh-oh, welcome to the Army game Sergeant Pecker-Checker knows your name [Bridge] We’ve slept in the mud We’ve jumped from planes Walked twenty miles with busted knees Pulled guard at midnight Worked through holidays Done a thousand miserable things But somehow the weirdest part of serving your country Is another grown man making sure you’re actually peeing [Breakdown] “Need a sample, soldier.” “I KNOW, SERGEANT.” “Drink another bottle.” “I’M GONNA FUCKING DROWN.” “Outstanding.” [Final Chorus] Whoa-oh-oh, Sergeant Pecker-Checker’s back again Ruining Fridays all across this land Whoa-oh-oh, every unit’s got the same damn song Some poor bastard’s always standing there all day long One day we’ll laugh when we’re old and gray About all the dumb shit that happened along the way Whoa-oh-oh, every veteran knows the pain Sergeant Pecker-Checker strikes again [Outro] Truck’s waiting. Weekend’s waiting. Beer’s getting warm. And I’m still standing in a damn line Holding a plastic cup Trying to convince my bladder To support the mission.
