[Intro] [Iconic, punchy 80s drum beat and walking synth-bassline loop continuously] [Vinyl scratch, heavy hip-hop kick drum drops in] "Look, I don't know who bought these bags! Stop looking at me! I don't even like the green ones!" [Verse 1] [Fast, intense, aggressive rap flow] [Bassline pulsing heavily underneath] Back in two-thousand-thirteen, we just had a little baby Walked into the grocery store, the candy aisle looking crazy Easter Sunday coming up, I'm grabbing bags by the dozen Snuck 'em in the pantry, told my wife they for my cousin But every time I walk past, I'm grabbing me a handful Shoving 'em inside my mouth like I'm a hungry animal Chewing on the cherry, going heavy on the berry Gaining so much weight it's actually getting kind of scary! [Pre-Chorus] [Beat strips down to just the drum and bass loop] [Vocal delivery gets frantic and defensive] She looking at the scale like, "How you heavier than me?!" You wasn't even pregnant, how you pushing two-o-three?! I'm wiping off the sugar dust, wiping off the sweat I look her in the eye and say, "I haven't eaten yet!" [Chorus] [Explosive hip-hop beat drop, aggressive layered vocals] Jellybean! (What!) She ain't my candy! I don't know who left the wrappers on the seat! And those are not my jellybeans! I swear to God I didn't eat a single sweet! (I didn't eat 'em!) The kid is mine, but the candy ain't! (Those aren't my jellybeans!) [Verse 2] [Extremely fast, rapid-fire Eminem-style triplet flow] [DJ scratches on the snare hits] Got the purple sugar crystals sticking on my front teeth Sweeping up the evidence I dropped underneath The cushions on the sofa, man I'm acting like a loafer Digging through the plastic like a manic little gopher! I ate a whole pound of the licorice in a minute She holding up the candy bowl and nothing's left in it! I point out at the baby, I'm deflecting all the blame "The infant ate the jellybeans, it's an absolute shame!" [Pre-Chorus] [Beat strips down to just the drum and bass loop] [Vocal delivery gets frantic and defensive] She looking at the scale like, "How you heavier than me?!" You wasn't even pregnant, how you pushing two-o-three?! I'm wiping off the sugar dust, wiping off the sweat I look her in the eye and say, "I haven't eaten yet!" [Chorus] [Maximum rap energy, heavy cymbals crashing] Jellybean! (What!) She ain't my candy! I don't know who left the wrappers on the seat! And those are not my jellybeans! I swear to God I didn't eat a single sweet! (I didn't eat 'em!) The kid is mine, but the candy ain't! (Those aren't my jellybeans!) [Bridge] [Music breaks down completely] [Just a heartbeat kick drum and the bassline] "Listen to me! It was a ghost! A sugar-addicted ghost broke into our house and ate five pounds of candy! Why don't you believe me?!" [Loud, angry inhale] "Drop the beat!" [Guitar Break / Scratch Solo] [Fast, aggressive DJ scratching imitating the classic rock guitar solo] [Heavy boom-bap drums smashing] [Outro] [Beat fades out slowly, leaving just the classic walking bassline] "I didn't even touch the orange ones." "Those aren't my jellybeans." [Sound of someone loudly chewing a mouthful of candy] "Don't look at me!" [End]
