[VERSE 1] We came for roadside pie and scenic views, With modest bags and orthopedic shoes. A bus of widows, calm and neat— All cardigans and swollen feet. But then she climbed aboard the aisle— That hyena with the movie-star smile. Long legs, that purple hair, good grief— I nearly swallowed my own teeth. [CHORUS 1] Good gravy, this road makes the whole bus shake, And Scuzzy just spreads out for comfort’s sake. We’d hike our bloomers just for a chance— To grab those buns in a roadside dance. There’s heat in our laps, no need to discuss— We’re all wound up on the Old Lady Bus! [VERSE 2] The first big stop: a silver shrine— A forty-foot spoon in the bright sunshine. We took our photos and fanned our necks, While Scuzzy arched her back and stretched. Then Marge said softly, smoothing her dress: “I wouldn’t mind spoonin’ her, I must confess.” Dot grinned wide: “She could stir my soup any night—” And we all blushed red in the fading sunlight. [CHORUS 2] Oh mercy, this road makes the whole bus shake, And Scuzzy just leans in to ease the ache. We’d hike our bloomers just for a chance— To grab those buns in a roadside dance. There’s heat in our laps, no need to discuss— We’re fired and flushed on the Old Lady Bus! [VERSE 3] We shuffled through waxworks, quiet scenes, Presidents, singers, a cowboy in tight jeans. She lingered near Monroe’s display— And Evelyn posed in a cheeky way. “If only I could hold that pose for her,” she said, “Silk and steady from my toes to my head.” Lorraine just chuckled, “You’re startin’ to melt.” And we all knew just how she felt. [VERSE 4] Deep in the caverns, cool and grand, With hanging rocks and mineral sand. The guide said, “Stalagmites, they rise from the floor,” Nancy whispered, “Just like I did when she walked through that door.” Agnes giggled, cheeks aflame, “I’d spelunk her depths and stake my claim.” Fingers prying, bold and free, “Mapping caves no one’s touched but me.” [CHORUS 3] Heavens above, this road makes the whole bus shake, And Scuzzy just teases with every quake. We’d hike our bloomers just for a chance— To grab those buns in a roadside dance. There’s heat in our laps, no need to discuss— We’re loose and ready on the Old Lady Bus! [BRIDGE] Mildred said, “Frank couldn’t last past ten, Scuzzy’s got stamina beyond all men.” Edith said, “Harold’s hands were slow and shy, Scuzzy knows the places he left dry.” They were our past, but now we see— She's the lover we didn't know we need. [Chorus 4] Holy moly, this road makes the whole bus shake, And Scuzzy just grinds slow, no need to fake. We’d hike our bloomers just for a chance— To grab those buns in a roadside dance. We moan and giggle, we gush and fuss— God bless this ride… On the Old Lady Bus!
