[Intro] [Honky-tonk piano intro. Fast, bouncy "Showtime" beat.] [Verse 1] [Cheerful, bright musical theater voice] I’m standing in the spotlight, I’m feeling pretty grand! [Gritty, nasal, mocking voice] You look like a potato with a rubber band! [Bright voice] I’ve worked on my self-image, I’m feeling quite elite! [Mocking voice] You’ve got the charisma of a bag of sour wheat! [Chorus] [Harmonized, high energy] Oh, my inner critic is a heckler in the stands! [Bright] He’s ruining my solo! [Mocking] And your tiny, sweaty hands! [Bright] I try to be productive! [Mocking] You spent four hours watching clips... Of a guy who builds a swimming pool by moving dirt with sticks! [All] It’s a two-man show in a one-man brain! And the guy in the balcony is driving me insane! [Verse 2] [Bright] I think I’ll try to find a job, or maybe start a craft! [Mocking, laughing] You couldn't even finish that one smoothie that you quaffed! [Bright] I’m charming and I’m witty! [Mocking] You’re awkward and you’re weird. Remember when you said "You too" when the waiter said "Enjoy your beard"? [Bridge] [Tempo doubles, piano getting wilder] [Fast back-and-forth] Shut up! (Make me!) I’m healing! (You’re faking!) I’m growing! (You’re breaking!) I’m the hero of this story! [Mocking] You’re just the comic relief! [Outro] [Big Broadway Finish] Get out of my head! [Spoken, mocking] I pay rent in anxiety, pal! [All] That’s show business! [Ba-dum-tss! Drum fill] [End]
