DJ Cali - Cash Pandemonium

[PRE-INTRO – Noise, screams, whispers, mic glitching] CAN YOU HEAR ME? Voice B: Nope. Voice C: Yep. Voice D (sighing): The mic ate my alimony check. PERFECT, LET’S START. [INTRO – Chaotic funk explosion] Voice A: Bass trembling, walls sweating, Cash staring at us like a hairy demon laughing. Voice B (shouting): SCRAMBLE MY BRAIN! Vice C (rhythmic): Tudutudutudu, that’s the funk bending your reality over. [VERSE 1 – Psychotic overflow] Voice A (rapid-fire): Money came through the window, Slapped me and said “get up, bum!” It put on my shoes, stole my coat, And went to work IN MY PLACE. Voice B (outraged): He’s cashing your paycheck too, that bastard! Voice C (weird monologue): I saw a twenty-dollar bill judge me, It said “fix your life.” I said “fix YOURSELF first.” Voice D (declares): The world is a cash register screaming “NEXT!” Even when you’re not done breathing. Voice A (continues): I chase after money, Who does money chase? No one. That’s the punchline. Cash jogs peacefully in a field of idiots. [CHORUS – Oversized disco-funk] FLASH, FLASH, tear down the ceiling! SHINE, SHINE, pretend everything’s healing! TURN, TURN, life’s got no brakes! OH DIVINE CASH, GIVE ME A SHAKE! AAAAH FUNK! Somebody stepped on my foot! FUNK! FUNK! FUNK IN YOUR FACE! [VERSE 2 – TOTAL rupture, absurd scenes] Voice C (exhausted): Come back, cash. Come back. I’m one step away from paying debts with unwanted hugs. Voice B (interrupts screaming): I BURNED MY CREDIT CARD TRYING TO MOTIVATE IT! Voice A (sing-song slam): The boss told me “gotta be positive,” So I breathed, I puked, I asked for a raise, He replied “HAHAHAHAHAHA.” Without inhaling. Voice D (off-topic): I bought a plant. It died. I think it was a financial omen. Voice C (snapping): CASH IS A GHOST LICKING MY NECK AND VANISHING WHEN I TURN AROUND. [CHORUS – Disco breaking down] FLA… fla… flash… OH SHIT, DO IT AGAIN! FLASH! FLASH! I’M SHATTERING LIKE A DISCO BALL! SHINE! SHINE! EVEN WHEN I FACEPLANT ON THE CARPET! TURN! TURN! I LOST A HEEL! CASH, YOU BETRAYED ME BUT I’LL KISS YOU ANYWAY! [VERSE 3 – Frenzied acceleration] Voice A (panting like an athlete): I run after my pay, My pay runs after the tax office, The tax office runs after coffee, And nobody actually works here. Voice C (hyper fast): I checked my bank statements, They answered “NO.” I insisted, They switched languages to tell me “NOPE.” Voice B (drunk philosopher): Money isn’t evil. Evil is knowing it exists And not having enough to yell at it. Voice D (bursting in): I made a budget in Excel. It crashed. It tried to kill itself, I swear. [CHORUS – Gospel-funk trance] FLASH! FLASH! SUNLIGHT IN MY FACE! SHINE! SHINE! I’M TWERKING ON THE THRESHOLD OF GRACE! TURN! TURN! BEHEAD THE CLOCK! CASH! CASH! YOU DRAG US THROUGH THE ROCK! MAKE LOVE TO ME, DISCOOOOOOO [OUTRO – Apocalyptic nonsense dialogue] Voice 1: Told you not to put vodka in the banjo. Voice 2: That wasn’t me, that was your dog. Voice 3: WHO ASKED TO PUSH THE FADER TO FIFTEEN?! Voice 4: I was drunk and thought it was a toaster. Voice 2: Why is everything melting? Voice 1: Because funk, baby… funk is hell dancing. [Fade out] (Sound of glitter explosion.)