[Intro] Chestnuts roasting Credit cards smoking Everybody smiling through the pain Snowflakes falling Debt collectors calling Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint [Verse 1] You come sliding down the chimney In a suit of corporate red While exhausted little workers Make the toys beside your sled You’ve got unpaid elven labor Working midnight through the dawn While you trademark joy and wonder And put merchandise upon it You outsource all the suffering Then take the whole parade That beard can’t hide the empire That your tiny workforce made [Pre-Chorus] You check your list You check it twice Then monetize the children’s eyes You sell them love at retail price Mr. Claus, that isn’t nice [Chorus] Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint You’re capitalism dressed in paint You sell us magic, guilt, and debt Then fly away before the rent You’ve got the whole world buying shit To prove their families matter a bit You call it joy, but darling, it ain’t Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint [Verse 2] Every store starts Christmas music Before Halloween is dead Then we trample one another For a discounted toaster set Parents work through every weekend Trying not to disappoint While some billionaire gets richer Off another plastic joint Children make the decorations Children mine the batteries Children beg for branded garbage Made by children overseas And somewhere in a glowing ad You laugh beneath a tree Selling manufactured happiness In three installments, interest-free [Pre-Chorus] You check your list But never check Who stitched the toys or broke their neck You call it cheer, I call it wrecked With tinsel hanging from the debt [Chorus] Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint You’re capitalism dressed in paint You sell us magic, guilt, and debt Then fly away before the rent You’ve got the whole world buying shit To prove their families matter a bit You call it joy, but darling, it ain’t Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint [Spoken Interlude] Let me understand this correctly You watch every child while they’re sleeping Maintain a global behavior database Employ a permanent underclass And enter private homes without consent But yes Tell me more about the spirit of Christmas [Verse 3] Then there’s all the forced affection With the family you avoid Uncle Rick starts talking politics And everybody’s joyless Some are grieving at the table Some can’t make the mortgage clear Some are smiling for the photos Just to hide another year We wrap loneliness in ribbon Pour more liquor in the punch Then pretend that all our trauma Can be cured by Christmas lunch And if you don’t feel merry They say something must be wrong Maybe joy’s not legally required Just because they wrote a song [Bridge] Maybe peace is not a product Maybe love don’t need a bow Maybe kindness shouldn’t vanish When they take the fake trees down Maybe feed the hungry people Pay the workers what they’re worth Maybe stop producing mountains Of disposable plastic mirth Maybe give without performing Maybe rest without the shame Maybe Santa is a mascot For a rigged and rotten game [Big Band Breakdown] Ho, ho, hold it What’s that sound? Another warehouse breaking down Ring those bells Swipe that card Smile real big And work real hard Buy more crap Ship it fast Make the landfill Christmas last Santa, darling Here’s the complaint You’ve got good branding But you ain’t no saint [Final Chorus] Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint You’re exploitation dressed up quaint You sell us memories we can’t afford Then park your sleigh outside the board You’ve got the whole world buying shit While lonely people drown in it Call it Christmas, call it fate I call it profit dressed as faith Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint The snow is white, the system ain’t Keep your list and your restraint Mr. Claus, you ain’t no saint [Outro] Chestnuts roasting Credit cards smoking Choirs singing softly through the strain Snowflakes falling Debt collectors calling Mr. Claus You ain’t No saint
