"You talk too monotone" ... "You seem unhappy" ... "It's hard to keep interest when you talk" ... "You gotta suck it up and keep goin'" ... "How are you still in shock?" "You're always pushing things off" "Why do you always wait?" "Why do you hide?" "You don't pay attention" "You need to get help".... [Papa] I hurt inside...can't fight the scald, can't explain it at all I can't achieve the amnesty, pardon me from the fire Dream of feelin' feelings the way I used to, tragedy, what a painful fantasy I wanna be alone alone alone But at the same time I can't leave my family Hide in a room and I think what is the point? I been anointed, repented to a facade for oh so long It's like a demon hung ma heart wit' a noose for applause Remove me as your issue and I can't cut you My words like a saw...yeah these days I see what you saw Outta ma body...watching myself dissolve Disassociated, attached and can't approach the basics Talking turns to silence because I can't face the traces Too negative and I decrease your god Too vulgar and I pulse through withdrawl I refuse drugs so harsh even my wife even has to fight me to take a Tylenol I work with migraines til I collapse in a hall, echoes of impurity leave me attuned Immune to my own insecurities, ain't afraid to shut it all down and be the purest me Face it all, hold it in, pretend the worst don't breathe Am I the reason I hate me? Can I retrace and replace these....thoughts and maybe actually create somethin' other than calamity? I don't want to leave, I can't even think it...... But the pain is a strain on my heart and my brain is so stained, been dragged against the grain, obtained inna grasp of insane demonic claim, no other option than the divot in this lane, pot holed into shame, inna pit of plain jane's, eyes glassed in the smoke of Mary Jane, blockin' their words of my faults, I can't fix who I am I'm just me and shout the truth, I just wanna be free, leave me absolved! Tell me I can talk but then no one wants to hear or watch Express my interest but nah it's laid out like burnt ends on a sidewalk I hurt you all or I hurt myself Leave my heart scathe to a blade but can't turn my back or I'll stab it My own worst enemy to believe...my back...you woulda had it I have no room to fulfill sanity, maintain like I'm encased in a cage made for false fades, I fade in the horizons with the sun on my face, heart ache, peace when the astral comes to my dreams, no one understands me, everytime I think they do it turns into a cursing, blasts me with inverted stings, bites my ass til I convert to anotha thing I write and write til a hole burns through the pages of paths I wrote you Every road I take is a wrong turn, I just wanna do something right so I can't fuel the furnace One day maybe I'll be a fuckin' normal person Maybe I'll have a preface of a better purpose Try to love myself in a circle of the worst shit
