[Intro – Spoken] Hey— I met a person at the coffee shop… They told me not to call them “they,” ’Cause “they” was actually “me.” …Wait… what? [Verse 1] I said “Hi, what’s your name?” They said, “Guess what I became!” I said, “Cool! …Is it he?” They said, “No, that’s not me.” I said, “Okay—so you’re she?” They said, “No, not that either, see…” “So it’s they?” “Well it’s them.” “But them… is you?” “YES!” My brain just went kablooey-boom-poof! Now my nouns are boo-hoo soup! [Chorus] 🎵 Are they them, Or is them me? Do I say you, Or do I say we? If they is them, But them is he— Are they… all living inside of me? (Oh noooo… now I gotta pee.) 🎵 [Verse 2] I checked a grammar book, It said, “Dude… good luck.” So I asked my English teacher— Teacher just said, “Uhhhhhh…” Then I asked my sister’s cat, Cat said, “Meow, don’t ask me that.” I said, “Fine, I’ll ask my phone,” Siri said, “Bro you’re on your own.” Now I’m panicking in aisle three, Calling everybody “Your Majesty!” [Chorus] 🎵 Are they them, Or is them me? Do I say you, Or do I say we? If them is they, But they is she— Can somebody please explain identity?! (…or just text me.) 🎵 [Bridge – chanty / repetitive] They! Them! He! She! New words every week—what will it be? Shim? Zork? Blorp? Bee? I’m cool with whatever Just don’t yell at me! [Hook – ultra simple earworm] 🎵 I don’t know who’s who— But I love you! I don’t know who’s who— But I love you! 🎵 (repeat x2, build) [Final Chorus] 🎵 Are they them, Or is them me? Do I say you, Or do I say we? I’ll call you what You want to be— Just write it down And staple it to me! 🎵 [Outro – spoken] “So… you’re they, I’m me?” “No, I’m me.” “But I’m me.” “No, you’re you; I’m me— But I’m also they.” “…Was this a math class?”
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