[Verse 1] Down on the Central Coast there lives a man Christopher Christmas, with a hammer in his hand He took a hundred thirty thousand, promised her the world Did about seventy, and the rest of it unfurled He said yeah yeah no problem, that's his holy song Then he'd do it his own way, and he'd do it all wrong [Verse 2] He calls himself God, and I ain't tellin' lies You can see the gospel burnin' in his tradesman's eyes Had a crew of three, and Lord they were a sight One man on the bottle from the mornin' to the night Two-Bob always talkin', had a comment for it all And a dyin' man with his girl, paintin' up the wall [Chorus] Oh Christopher, oh Christopher Christmas Where's the laundry that you swore you'd build? The cats are in the ceiling cryin' And the drainage overflows And the promises unfilled [Verse 3] Four hours if you're lucky, maybe five on a real good day Then the tools would hit the deck and the boys would drift away He tiled the laundry window so the latch would never close Where the rain came in after, only Christopher knows Sections of the drainage missin' when he said the job was done And the cats in the roof cavity cried out one by one [Verse 4] The retaining wall out back leans four degrees askew I could see it with my eyes and the robot could too I called him on it plain and he just shrugged and grinned Said the wall was fine — then he sold me a bag of green That's the kind of man he is, that's the man we're talkin' 'bout Sell you dope with one hand while the other tears you out [Chorus] Oh Christopher, oh Christopher Christmas Where's the laundry that you swore you'd build? The cats are in the ceiling cryin' And the drainage overflows And the promises unfilled [Verse 5] Now here's the part that ain't so funny, here's the part that stings 'Cause a man like Christopher, he doesn't just take things He takes your sleep, he takes your hope, he takes the ground below He makes you think it's your fault when it's him that stooped so low My mother sat there in the wreckage and she blamed herself inside For trustin' a man who smiled and took her for a ride [Verse 6] There were nights she nearly broke, there were nights she nearly fell Nights she thought the only way was just to ring the bell She was a bee's dick from surrender, from callin' it a loss From layin' down the weight of it and walkin' off the cross But somethin' in her held on, somethin' deep and old and true And the woman I thought was beaten said I know what I'm gonna do [Bridge] She said I'm takin' him to NCAT, I'm takin' him to law I'm gonna put it on the record, every lie and every flaw He can call himself a god, he can preach it to the wall But the tribunal's got a ledger and the ledger sees it all Every excuse he ever told, every dollar that he stole Every cat up in the ceiling, every unfilled hole [Verse 7] He said his back was achin', said his knee had given out Said the weather wouldn't let him, said there's nothin' to it, mate, no doubt Said he'd been stabbed, said he'd been sick, said the universe conspired Every week a fresh disaster, every week the same old tired And his workers showed up hungover and they left before the noon While the rain came through the ceiling and the cats sang out their tune [Chorus] Oh Christopher, oh Christopher Christmas Where's the laundry that you swore you'd build? The cats are in the ceiling cryin' And the drainage overflows And your reckonin', old son, is finally closin' in [Outro] Down on the Central Coast there lives a man Christopher Christmas, with a hammer in his hand But the woman that he cheated, she's the one still standin' tall And the god who built the laundry? He's the one about to fall Yeah the god who built the laundry... He's the one about to
