Facebook throws up an old picture "Eight years ago today" Cool. Thanks for that. There we are Sunburned, filthy Laughing at something stupid Like tomorrow was guaranteed I know who made it home I know who didn't And sometimes that math gets real loud at night Funny, isn't it? Somebody had to come back. You got the better ending There was nothing better about it Then why are you still here? I don't know Exactly. I wear tomorrow like it belonged to somebody better than me Like I woke up holding years I never paid to keep There's something counting what I have against the names I can't forget And something else keeps saying "You're still breathing. What will you do with it?" Ran into his wife last summer She hugged me before I was ready Asked how I've been You know the answer "Good." "Busy." "Same old shit." She smiled And for one ugly second I hated that she could Not her Never her Just the fact the world kept moving like it didn't get the memo Tell her. Tell her what? That you think about him more than she knows? That sometimes you wonder if they sent the wrong one home? Go ahead. Make her carry that too. Shut up Hit a nerve? Shut up You know I'm right No You just know where it hurts I wear tomorrow like it belonged to somebody better than me Like I woke up holding years I never paid to keep There's something counting what I have against the names I can't forget And something else keeps saying "You're still breathing. What will you do with it?" COUNT THE BIRTHDAYS COUNT THE YEARS COUNT EVERY DAMN THING THEY DON'T GET FROM HERE WEDDINGS KIDS GREY IN YOUR HAIR TELL ME AGAIN HOW ANY OF THIS IS FAIR YOU CALL IT LUCK I CALL IT DEBT AND I'LL KEEP COLLECTING UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT I found his old message last night Nothing profound Just: "Grab me one too I'll pay you back." I laughed harder than I should've Then cried in the kitchen like an idiot Maybe that's all memory is Not a courtroom Not a sentence Just somebody you loved still showing up in stupid places I don't wear tomorrow like I stole it Not tonight, anyway I don't know why some names kept going and others stayed that day You owe them. I remember them. Same thing. No. There's a difference between carrying the dead and letting them bury you with them We'll see. Yeah. We will.
