[INTRO — sparse funky bass / spoken, cocky] Okay... Ugg boots. Navy blue Lululemon leggings. High-waisted. Black were in the wash today. Obviously. Black fitted tank, oversized plaid jacket, little crossbody bag packed. Yeah. [BUILD] It’s the— [CHORUS — HUGE ELECTRO DROP / gang vocals] BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Treat yourself! Low-key! Slay! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Messy bun! Pink scrunchie! All day! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! [BEAT CUT] I don’t follow trends— [spoken] I just happen to own all of them. [HEAVY BASS HIT] [VERSE 1 — bouncy talk-rap / funky bass] Layered silver-gold hooped necklaces, oversized shades, no consequences. Hair in a messy bun, pink scrunchie holding it together— [MUSIC STOPS] Structural engineering at its best. [pause] Slay. [BEAT SLAMS BACK] Got my little crossbody, phone inside, Apple Watch, and a whole lotta vibe. Liv.... laugh.... love... words I live by. Now get outta my way— [BEAT CUT] It’s Starbucks time. [VERSE 2 — theatrical talk-rap / steadily accelerating] Walk through the door, straight to the counter. I know what I want. I’ve rehearsed this. Venti iced pumpkin spice latte, oat milk, vanilla sweet cream, extra pump— Cold foam, extra drizzle inside the cup, another drizzle over the foam. Light on the ice. [spoken / serious] I’m not paying six dollars for twenty ice cubes and a tablespoon of coffee. [MUSIC STOPS] [Cashier] “Name?” [confident] Jessica. ...but Jess is fine. [BREAK — ticking / awkward silence] I wait. I wait. Check my Apple Watch. I wait. Five minutes. [DRAMATIC BUILD] I get my drink. Look at the top. [everything cuts away] They forgot... the cold foam??? [COMPLETE SILENCE] No. [EXPLOSIVE EDM DROP] I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN! [CHORUS — huge / gang responses] I literally can’t even! [CAN’T EVEN!] Ruining the vibes! [THE VIBES!] I literally can’t even! [BEAT CUT] But I’m drinking it anyway! [BEAT RETURNS] BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Treat yourself! Low-key! Slay! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Messy bun! Pink scrunchie! All day! [STOP] Whatever. Target time. [VERSE 3 — playful rapid rap / progressively faster] Literally need one thing. That’s it. One thing. Walk through the door— Ooh. Vanilla-scented candle? Five of those. Warm vanilla pumpkin spice? Bonus. It’s giving fall for sure. Pink throw pillow to match my scrunchie. String fairy lights? Could always use more. Black leggings? Obviously. Can never have enough. [FASTER] Coconut vanilla body wash, Burt’s Bees lip balm, pastel highlighters, floral notebooks— [MUSIC STOPS] The essentials. [pause] Wait. What did I come here for? [BRIDGE — sparse / confused] Hmm. [long pause] Toothpaste? ...I think? [BEAT RETURNS] Looks at bags. Looks at receipt. Looks at bags again. [STOP] Oh my God. I’m dead. [BUILD — chanting] Basic... Basic... Basic... Basic... [FINAL CHORUS — MAXIMAL ELECTRO DROP] BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Ugg boots! Leggings! Plaid! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Cold foam! Pumpkin spice! Slay! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! Target took my whole paycheck! BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK! But look at all this cute shit I got! [POST-CHORUS — call and response] Treat yourself! [TREAT YOURSELF!] Low-key! [LOW-KEY!] It’s giving fall! [IT’S GIVING FALL!] Adulting is hard! [ADULTING IS HARD!] [OUTRO — beat strips away / spoken] Target is dangerous for me. Seriously. I went in for toothpaste. [bag rustling] ...Did I even buy toothpaste? [STOP] No. [pause] Should I get more Starbucks? [FINAL BASS HIT] BASIC BITCH STARTER PACK!
