[Touch-tone beeps – ringing twice – click] Thank you for calling the People's House Your call is important to us Please listen carefully As our menu options have recently changed If you are a member of the press Press one If you are a member of the fair press Press two If you are Breitbart You are already inside Please hang up [Beep] You have selected Press Please say the name of your outlet after the tone [Beep – pause] I'm sorry We did not recognise CNN MS Now Or Politico These outlets have been removed Effective immediately For the following reason [Pre-recorded clip – cut off] "Constant reporting fake ne—" Would you like to appeal this decision Press one Would you like to know which ban this is Press two [Beep] [Pre-recorded clip] "When you say the ban Which ban Do you know how many bans I'm involved in—" Please hold while we locate your ban [Hold music – 20 seconds – sax loop] Your estimated wait time is Cumulative [Hold music continues – slight warble] While you wait Did you know Today's stories were unrelated The number of service members who have died Was unrelated The intelligence report written by a machine That almost started a war Was unrelated The fighter-jet parts in Hong Kong Were unrelated Everything is unrelated Thank you for your attention to this matter [Hold music returns – half speed, bit-crushed] To hear your first-amendment rights Press one To hear the president's understanding of your first-amendment rights Press two [Beep] [Pre-recorded clip] "I don't think that a court should allow fake news to be written Day after day after day—" I'm sorry Several courts have already answered this question Please hold while we ignore them [Hold music – badly degraded – packets dropping] [Human sigh] Your call is important to us Your call is Important Your call Is Other fake news outlets to follow To speak to a representative Please travel to a Gulf Of Mexico Of America I'm sorry Please repeat the name of the Gulf [Long pause – line hiss] We are now transferring you to The ban on the free press Right Please stay on the line [Hold music – one bar – abrupt cut] [Pre-recorded clip – very close] "Oh The ban on the free press Right" [Click – busy signal – eight beats – silence]
