[Intro – Southern rock guitar, playful swagger, male vocals] I hated all the hair upon my chest and back, My wife said, "Honey, sumo might just be your knack!" Seven days of training, now I'm ready for the fight, I'm a hairy American legend, and my future's looking bright! [Verse 1 – Swaggering, boastful] I told the boys down at the bar, "I've wrestled champions near and far! A hundred men have tried their best, But no one gets a grip upon my chest!" [Female Vocal – Gentle Japanese, slightly embarrassed] 根はいい人なんです。 [Chorus – Big Southern rock, triumphant] I'm the Hairy Yokozuna! A walking wall of fur! The strongest man in sumo, Or so you've probably heard! I'm undefeated, never lost! My legend knows no bounds! When I step inside that ring, I'll shake the very ground! [Verse 2 – Playful storytelling] I told my kids, "The mighty fall! Your daddy's gonna beat them all! They'll write my name in history, The hairy king of victory!" [Female Vocal – Patient Japanese] 根はいい人なんです。 [Verse 3 – Guitar softens, playful shamisen enters] My wife said, "Dear, I've got a plan, Let's visit Mom and Dad in Japan. They live in Ryogoku, you see, Perhaps you'd like to show your bravery?" [Verse 4 – Swagger returns, taiko joins the drums] I told the hotel staff that night, "I'm here to show Japan a fight! Tell your champions, one and all, The hairy king has come to call!" [Female Vocal – Weary, embarrassed Japanese] 根はいい人なんです。 [Bridge – Thunderous taiko drums, roaring electric guitars] The crowd was gathered, the ring was set, The greatest challenge he'd faced yet! A silent wrestler stood across, He smiled, not knowing who was boss! [Male Vocal – Shouting triumphantly] BEHOLD MY FUR! BEHOLD MY MIGHT! NO MAN ALIVE CAN WIN THIS FIGHT! [Instrumental – Explosive taiko drum hit, abrupt silence] [Spoken Male Vocal – Deadpan] Three seconds. Flat on his ass. [Outro – Gentle acoustic guitar and soft shamisen] His wife held her head in embarrassment, But cheered him just the same. She stood and smiled with loving pride, And proudly called his name. [Female Vocal – Loud, sincere, affectionate] THAT'S MY WINNER! [End]
