Doctrine of Conditional Joy Lyrics [verse] You may live in a palace of gold if you don’t say the word `cow' And if your promise not to show her an onion you can marry the king’s daughter right now! You may open every room but one, don’t cross the streams, I warned you son, don’t drink from the wrong cup, don’t forget to wind your watch, don’t stop playing the game until it’s finished [chorus] The Doctrine of Conditional Joy A box is opened, and all evils fly out. The Doctrine of Conditional Joy A word is forgotten, and cities are wiped out. A lamp is lit, love flies away. A flower is plucked, a million slain An apple is eaten, and the hope of God is gone. [verse] Don’t mess with the timeline, Marty, and Seymour don’t feed Audrey Two Don’t say that dead guy’s name three times, and Wizard don’t shoot the food Don’t prick your finger on the spindle, Kefka, don’t touch the statues, please don’t let the last petal fall my beauty, don’t let the human see you move, Woody! [chorus] The Doctrine of Conditional Joy A box is opened, and all evils fly out. The Doctrine of Conditional Joy A word is forgotten, and cities are wiped out. A lamp is lit, love flies away. A flower is plucked, a million slain An apple is eaten, and the hope of God is gone. [bridge] If you’re visiting Nilbog don’t eat the green food And if you buy a fuzzy little guy from a mysterious Chinese dude Don’t put it in the sun, don’t let it get wet, don’t feed them after midnight And if you’re reading a spell from the Necronomicon—good god man!—get your pronunciation right! [chorus] The Doctrine of Conditional Joy Play the metal song backwards and Satan kills you The Doctrine of Conditional Joy Don’t use the Master Ball on anything but Mewtwo A lamp is lit, love flies away. A flower is plucked, a million slain An apple is eaten, and the hope of God is gone. Don’t waste your ink ribbons, don’t touch a goomba’s side Guess my real name, or your baby is all mine Don’t meet yourself when you travel through time Don’t touch Uncle Scrooge’s number one dime Don’t look directly at the Stay Puft marshmallow man but that should be obvious.
