I Need the Luigi

[Verse 1] When the night creeps in and my health insurance is denied, I need the Luigi, that sexier Mario brother, green fire in his eyes, a penchant for slaughter. My insurance company denied my righteous claim, some technicality, so now their skulls will rain. The hotline plays piano music while my body rots apart, some ghoul behind a monitor will watch his entrails start. [Pre-Chorus] I need boots through the drywall, I need sparks against the rain, I need somebody screaming loud enough to paint the kingdom red. [Chorus] Who needs a Jesus Christ when you have a Luigi tonight? Burning down the paper castles, heads rolling under fluorescent light. I need the Luigi, that sexier Mario brother, green-capped executioner for the broken and discarded others. When the night creeps in and my health insurance is denied, I need the Luigi standing furious at my side. [Verse 2] I need Luigi like a modern-day Schwarzenegger with his fucked-up back, storming marble halls with a blood-soaked laugh. He rips the phones out of the walls, crushes windpipes in his hands, sets the filing rooms ablaze while executives dance on severed strands. Every crooked little loophole, every bloodless little lie, every grinning corporate gargoyle gets his head popped like a piñata, brains fly. Blood squirts in crimson arcs, decorating quarterly reports, limbs twitching on the carpet as the kingdom finally chokes. [Pre-Chorus] I need green thunder, I need chaos in the night, I need somebody dangerous enough to make denial die screaming. [Chorus] Who needs a Jesus Christ when you have a Luigi tonight? Crushing every paper tyrant under steel-toe boots soaked bright. I need the Luigi, that sexier Mario brother, saint of shattered printers and exploding server clusters dripping red. [Bridge] Denied. Delayed. Rejected again. Another trembling human soul fed into the machine. Denied. Delayed. The kingdom feeds on pain. Then Luigi hits the breaker box and sends the execs up in flames. Heads roll across the lobby floor, eyes still blinking in surprise, blood squirting like champagne from necks that once told lies. [Final Chorus] When the night creeps in and my health insurance is denied, I need the Luigi standing roaring at my side. My insurance company denied my righteous claim, merely on a technicality— now their bodies paint the walls in waves. Who needs a Jesus Christ when you have a Luigi tonight? Laughing through the fire while the empire burns bright. [Outro] I need the Luigi, that sexier Mario brother, green-capped wrecking ball for every crooked motherfucker. Blood on the green cap, gore on the overalls, Luigi doesn’t save the princess— he butchers the whole fucking hall.