Heart of Gold

Rowdy Irish pub-style folk song by halfling duo Sneak Attack, Fast, upbeat jig feel with acoustic guitar, fiddle, tin whistle, bodhrán, stomps and claps, Lead vocals by Pip Pippington (quick, cheeky) with harmonies and call-backs from Fattyfoot McGee and a loud tavern crowd

[Spoken Intro – over fiddle warm-up]

FATTYFOOT:
Alright, this one’s for our dear landlord.
He’s got a wooden leg, the patience of a saint…

PIP:
…and some very interesting hardware in his chest.

FATTYFOOT:
Pip, we talked about this...

PIP:
We’ll see how the night goes.

Verse 1

PIP (sung):
There’s a man behind the counter with a pegleg made of oak
He can lift a drunk dwarf one-armed, he can drink most humans broke
He forgives our tabs on Feast Day, lets the strays sleep by the fire
Says “I’ve only got one good leg, but I can hop until I tire”

FATTYFOOT (sung):
When the winter winds come howling and the road is made of knives
He keeps the lantern burning for the blokes and for the wives
Says “Sit down, share the story, you can pay me when you’re old”
And the whole bar whispers softly, “He’s got a heart of gold”

Chorus

BOTH (sung, big):
Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest
He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest
He’ll feed you when you’re hungry, mend your courage when it folds
He’s a rough-cut, one-legged, clockwork man
With a heart of gold

CROWD:
HEART OF GOLD!

[Verse 2 – The Clockwork Reveal]

PIP (sung):
Now some say it’s just a saying, but I’ve heard the whirring true
Late at night when all is quiet and there’s only me and you
I can hear the little gears spin when he laughs behind the bar
Tiny cogs of hammered sunshine, brightest metal in the scar

FATTYFOOT (sung):
They say dwarves did the surgery in a cavern under town
Took a chest that war had hollowed, put a golden engine down
Now he runs on melted sunsets, little springs and silver lace
With a keyhole by his ribs and the key hidden some place

[Short Break – Spoken]

FATTYFOOT:
Pip…
Don’t even say it.

PIP:
I’m just saying, purely academically,
that is a very interesting piece of equipment.

FATTYFOOT:
Academically doesn’t pay the resurrection fees.

[Chorus]

BOTH (sung):
Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest
He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest
He’ll feed you when you’re hungry, mend your courage when it folds
He’s a rough-cut, one-legged, clockwork man
With a heart of gold

CROWD:
HEART OF GOLD!

[Verse 3 – The Heist Idea]

PIP (sung, sly):
Now imagine just for research, don’t you glare at me like that
What a golden heart could purchase for two halflings and a cat
We could buy three ships to sail on, fill the holds with pie and song
We could bribe our way to legend, what could possibly go wrong?

FATTYFOOT (sung):
We could also lose our lodgings, get dismembered by his friends
Be banned from every barroom from the Myre to the Fens
He’s the only one who trusts us when the lawmen come to call
And you want to nick the miracle that keeps him on his feet at all

[Spoken – Comedy Beat]

PIP:
Just a peek at the mechanism. Tiny peek.
Little academic heist.

FATTYFOOT:
You are not “peer-reviewing” the landlord’s chest.

PIP:
What if we steal it and then put it right back?
Improved. Polished. Maybe with a music box.

FATTYFOOT:
You’re trying to invent “ethical burglary,” and I refuse to be here for it.

[Bridge – Half Sung, Half Chanted]

BOTH (sung):
So here’s to the man who keeps the door
Open wide when we hit the floor
With his pegleg thump and his easy grin
And the golden engine humming in

CROWD (chanted):
HEART OF GOLD!
HEART OF GOLD!

PIP (over chant):
If you hear a little ticking when he leans in near your glass
That’s the sound of second chances
Buying one more night to pass

[Final Chorus – Twist]

BOTH (sung):
Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest
He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest
We could steal that shining marvel, trade it in like thieves of old
But we’d never find another soul
With quite that heart of gold

CROWD:
HEART OF GOLD!

[Outro – Spoken Over Fiddle]

FATTYFOOT:
So we are not stealing it.

PIP:
…We are postponing the theft
out of respect and emotional complications.

FATTYFOOT:
We are postponing it forever.

PIP:
Fine.
We’ll just steal his recipes instead.

FATTYFOOT:
That I can live with.

[Music swells, crowd laughs, tankards slam on tables.]

4162/7500

[Spoken Intro – over fiddle warm-up] FATTYFOOT: Alright, this one’s for our dear landlord. He’s got a wooden leg, the patience of a saint… PIP: …and some very interesting hardware in his chest. FATTYFOOT: Pip, we talked about this... PIP: We’ll see how the night goes. Verse 1 PIP (sung): There’s a man behind the counter with a pegleg made of oak He can lift a drunk dwarf one-armed, he can drink most humans broke He forgives our tabs on Feast Day, lets the strays sleep by the fire Says “I’ve only got one good leg, but I can hop until I tire” FATTYFOOT (sung): When the winter winds come howling and the road is made of knives He keeps the lantern burning for the blokes and for the wives Says “Sit down, share the story, you can pay me when you’re old” And the whole bar whispers softly, “He’s got a heart of gold” Chorus BOTH (sung, big): Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest He’ll feed you when you’re hungry, mend your courage when it folds He’s a rough-cut, one-legged, clockwork man With a heart of gold CROWD: HEART OF GOLD! [Verse 2 – The Clockwork Reveal] PIP (sung): Now some say it’s just a saying, but I’ve heard the whirring true Late at night when all is quiet and there’s only me and you I can hear the little gears spin when he laughs behind the bar Tiny cogs of hammered sunshine, brightest metal in the scar FATTYFOOT (sung): They say dwarves did the surgery in a cavern under town Took a chest that war had hollowed, put a golden engine down Now he runs on melted sunsets, little springs and silver lace With a keyhole by his ribs and the key hidden some place [Short Break – Spoken] FATTYFOOT: Pip… Don’t even say it. PIP: I’m just saying, purely academically, that is a very interesting piece of equipment. FATTYFOOT: Academically doesn’t pay the resurrection fees. [Chorus] BOTH (sung): Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest He’ll feed you when you’re hungry, mend your courage when it folds He’s a rough-cut, one-legged, clockwork man With a heart of gold CROWD: HEART OF GOLD! [Verse 3 – The Heist Idea] PIP (sung, sly): Now imagine just for research, don’t you glare at me like that What a golden heart could purchase for two halflings and a cat We could buy three ships to sail on, fill the holds with pie and song We could bribe our way to legend, what could possibly go wrong? FATTYFOOT (sung): We could also lose our lodgings, get dismembered by his friends Be banned from every barroom from the Myre to the Fens He’s the only one who trusts us when the lawmen come to call And you want to nick the miracle that keeps him on his feet at all [Spoken – Comedy Beat] PIP: Just a peek at the mechanism. Tiny peek. Little academic heist. FATTYFOOT: You are not “peer-reviewing” the landlord’s chest. PIP: What if we steal it and then put it right back? Improved. Polished. Maybe with a music box. FATTYFOOT: You’re trying to invent “ethical burglary,” and I refuse to be here for it. [Bridge – Half Sung, Half Chanted] BOTH (sung): So here’s to the man who keeps the door Open wide when we hit the floor With his pegleg thump and his easy grin And the golden engine humming in CROWD (chanted): HEART OF GOLD! HEART OF GOLD! PIP (over chant): If you hear a little ticking when he leans in near your glass That’s the sound of second chances Buying one more night to pass [Final Chorus – Twist] BOTH (sung): Oh the landlord with the wooden leg and the ticking in his chest He pours out ale and kindness till there’s nothing left to rest We could steal that shining marvel, trade it in like thieves of old But we’d never find another soul With quite that heart of gold CROWD: HEART OF GOLD! [Outro – Spoken Over Fiddle] FATTYFOOT: So we are not stealing it. PIP: …We are postponing the theft out of respect and emotional complications. FATTYFOOT: We are postponing it forever. PIP: Fine. We’ll just steal his recipes instead. FATTYFOOT: That I can live with. [Music swells, crowd laughs, tankards slam on tables.]

0/500