Eme; or, The Birthday Celebrational

Victorian comic opera, Gilbert & Sullivan-style operetta, comic patter song

We gather in a manner most emphatic and sensational,
To hail a yearly milestone in a style quite operational,
With compliments inflated to a pitch hyper-inflational,
And speeches growing steadily more florid and gesticulational.

With tra-la-las and hip-hoorays and toasts of admiration,
We mark your noble progress through another revolution,
Although to speak of age aloud would cause some agitation,
So we refer instead to “depth,” “gravitas,” and “elevation.”

For you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational,
A marvel of survival and of charm interrelational,
A glittering example of a life well-operational,
And indisputably a person wholly celebrational!

That time has not subdued you is a matter of delight to us,
You’ve borne its rude advances with a wit that makes a fright of us,
And year by year you prove yourself more charming and more riotous,
Which really is inspiring, though for some of us quite spiteful, thus—

The cake may lean alarmingly, the icing may be perilous,
The candles may suggest a scene infernal and hilarious,
Relations may tell stories that are lengthy, loud, and spurious,
And certain party games may take a turn distinctly curious.

Yet through it all you shine with such improbable composure,
As if your every gesture were designed for grand exposure,
You take the room and tune it to a brighter, stranger closure,
Like someone born to flourish under operatic pressure.

For you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational,
A sovereign of the candle and the paper-decoration all,
A master of surviving each successive complication all,
And turning mere existence into something operational!

So raise a glass in honour of this annual occasion bright,
This proof that you continue in a way both grand and strangely right,
With laughter as your counterspell, with mischief as your minor right,
And just enough dramatic flair to keep the whole affair in sight.

Yes, you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational,
A whirl of wit and warmth and cheer and glamour recreational,
A dazzling contradiction to the purely observational,
And gloriously, triumphantly, absurdly inspirational!

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I sing a most emphatic ode to birthday jubilation, A festival of folly and exuberant exaltation, With cake and candles, cheering crowds, and general approbation, And far too much performed delight and reckless adulation. We gather in a manner most emphatic and sensational, To hail a yearly milestone in a style quite operational, With compliments inflated to a pitch hyper-inflational, And speeches growing steadily more florid and gesticulational. With tra-la-las and hip-hoorays and toasts of admiration, We mark your noble progress through another revolution, Although to speak of age aloud would cause some agitation, So we refer instead to “depth,” “gravitas,” and “elevation.” For you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational, A marvel of survival and of charm interrelational, A glittering example of a life well-operational, And indisputably a person wholly celebrational! That time has not subdued you is a matter of delight to us, You’ve borne its rude advances with a wit that makes a fright of us, And year by year you prove yourself more charming and more riotous, Which really is inspiring, though for some of us quite spiteful, thus— The cake may lean alarmingly, the icing may be perilous, The candles may suggest a scene infernal and hilarious, Relations may tell stories that are lengthy, loud, and spurious, And certain party games may take a turn distinctly curious. Yet through it all you shine with such improbable composure, As if your every gesture were designed for grand exposure, You take the room and tune it to a brighter, stranger closure, Like someone born to flourish under operatic pressure. For you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational, A sovereign of the candle and the paper-decoration all, A master of surviving each successive complication all, And turning mere existence into something operational! So raise a glass in honour of this annual occasion bright, This proof that you continue in a way both grand and strangely right, With laughter as your counterspell, with mischief as your minor right, And just enough dramatic flair to keep the whole affair in sight. Yes, you’re the very model of a birthday celebrational, A whirl of wit and warmth and cheer and glamour recreational, A dazzling contradiction to the purely observational, And gloriously, triumphantly, absurdly inspirational!

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