Woke up from a dream, ghostly words from my ex are clear: “Don’t you take that woman for your bride.” I asked her which one did she mean, Sue or Jean. “Eyes on two prizes. Now what a surprise!” [4-bar instrumental] The next ghost, guess who, it’s my ex number two She’s dead-set to thwart the other girl’s odds. “You’d regret it for life if you made her your wife. Any union with Sue, it’s sure to anger the gods.” With my two exes now at loggerheads, way more than when alive, they scream and shout now. Always the peacemaker I kindly suggest: Let the ghosts get together and duel it out. [4-bar instrumental] My ex-ghosts agreed to fight over future Mrs. Me. Flaming razor discs their weapons of choice. A ghost a has-been, so the winner will win, not from losing their life but from losing their poise. Screaming, eerie jabs. Ceaseless fiery stabs. Weeks of smoldering ruin, not close to conclusion, they decide on new plans. [4-bar instrumental] So ex one tells two, “This is futile. I’m through. There’s a good chance this guy ain’t worth the fight.” And ex two tells one, “It’s been fun, but I’m done. Let’s set him up with someone new. I know a girl who’s just right.” The moral of the story, pick your exes with care. Lest it get too gory, careful how you pair. So careful when you’re courting, don’t wish qualms away. Keep your wits about you, keep the ghosts at bay. The battle of the sexes can be heaven or hell. The battle of the exes rarely ends up well.
