[Intro] Oh-oh-oh, ah-ah-ah [Verse 1] Got a list in my hand, gotta make this trip, To Walmart, but I'm not feelin' it, Aisles of plastic fantastics, a junk jubilee, Greasy food court, where MSG roams (free-ee). [Chorus] Oh, Walmartians, in your fluorescent land, Where bargains and dignity go hand in hand, So excited to be here, I just don't understand, As I watch Walmartians play in their discount Disneyland. [Verse 2] Don't know why anyone comes here for fun, With aimless wanderers, crowded aisles overrun (run-run), Karen's huntin' for help, not a cashier in sight, Until she spots a clearance rack under the big spotlight. [Chorus] Oh, Walmartians, can't you see (see-ee), You're aisle-roaming, phone-glazed zombies From the stinky folks to the drug deals outside, In this retail rodeo, brainless and preoccupied. [Verse 3] Produce aisle CSI, inspecting each grape (grape-ape), XXL carts for that family-size escape, Smiley face watches with Big Brother's gaze, While I navigate through this consumer maze (maze-aze). [Verse 4] Homeless in the bathroom, getting beauty sleep, A man in a dress follows me, another Walmart creep (creep-eep), Screaming kids demandin' candy, cart looks like a garbage heap, Sketchy guy in sporting goods, buying ammo 'cause it's cheap. [Bridge] Greeters at the door, chasin' me for a receipt, Provin' I did their job, cashiers are obsolete. [Chorus] Oh, Walmartians, in your natural habitat (tat), Where fashion's optional and logic's fallen flat (flat), From the greeter's "hello" to the exit light's glow (glow-ow), It's a journey through madness, row by endless row. [Outro] So if you're brave enough to venture through the aisles (aisles-iles), Of discount food and untrendy styles (uhhhgghh), You dared to brave this retail jungle, Where sanity's optional and prices tumble, Remember, dear shopper, as you clutch your receipt, You've survived Walmart – now retreat, retreat! You've SURVIVED Walmart – now RETREAT, retreat! [SFX: cash register] *Cha-ching* (cha-ching) [End] *laugh*
