Stories with Cheddar 10 - Stabz - First Impressions

narrated story with minimal background music, male spoken word vocal

[Intro]
[male voice speaking, narrated story]
Me and my buddy Chris, we used to travel hanging signs in Home Depot Garden Center on these water silos. We did like every Home Depot in Florida, like 48 or something. You know, we didn't have no drugs to create our own euphoria, so we just acted retarded. Remember this one time? It was down in Miami. I walked into the store first, you know, parked the van in front of the Garden Center, told Chris, I was like, "Yo man, grab these ladders off," you know, because we're hanging these signs on these two-story water silos. And as I walked in, I walked up to the cashier and I was like, "Hey man, listen. My buddy out there, my colleague, he's got Tourette's, you know? Just a new project we're doing, you know, where we hire handicapped people or anyone with deficiencies, you know, so he does, you know, have little outbursts and stuff, but he's good, you know, he's under control." Well, lo and behold, as this is unfolding, I'm telling this lady this, and Chris is out there on the van, I didn't know it, he's struggling to get these ladders off. And he's got a bad attitude. So I turn around and he's screaming at the van, trying to flip it over because he's so fucking pissed. And I look back at the cashier and this poor lady's just got a look of horror on her face. Like, I cannot believe I gotta let this guy work in our Garden Center. So some time flies by, you know, I'm over here holding it together like, oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. So it's about ten minutes in, he's way up on the ladder, he's trying to hang the sign, wrap these big straps around this silo. And uh, I'm hiding in these fucking shelves where this bag of pebbles, like, was ripped open and spilt. So I'm like hiding and throwing these pebbles at the water silo, you know, he's having a hard time getting these straps around this thing, he's getting pissed again. And I didn't realize it, on the other end of the aisle I was hiding in throwing them pebbles, there was a lady and her like seven or eight-year-old son. And Chris is like, "Who the fuck's throwing those pebbles?" and turns around and looks at the lady and he's like, "Yo, you need to get your fucking son, he's sitting there throwing rocks at me!" And it just, it was hilarious but bad at the same time. So they fucking come and tell us, you know, "Hey, you can't be doing that." And Chris, he's like, "Why are they treating us like this? You know, I was the one getting rocks thrown at," and I'm like lying like, "I didn't do it," you know. So we go to the van and I'm like, "Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I told that lady when we were walking in that you had Tourette's, bro, and like we had to work for you." So now he's like, "Hell fucking no you did not!" And I said, "What's worse is when I'm telling her this, your ass is out there trying to fistfight the van and flip it over, dude!" He's like, "Oh my god!" So I have to go back in there and hang the sign, finish hanging it. And I guess when I was, you know, working, he goes up to the cashier, you know, I'm way in the back side of the Garden Center, and tells her the same fucking thing. He goes, "Hey, sorry about my buddy, he's got Tourette's, you know, he goofs off and he, I let him tell people that I have Tourette's too so it's comfortable, you know, so he feels like he's not alone. But I'm really sorry about everything that happened in here, I just want you to have a nice day." So we get back in the van, he's like, "Dude, I told the lady exact same shit you told me." And you know, when you drive away you're just like, that's a great fucking first impression, man. That lady will never forget us. She's telling this story on and on through the rest of her fucking life, dude. Oh my god.

3762/7500

[Intro] [male voice speaking, narrated story] Me and my buddy Chris, we used to travel hanging signs in Home Depot Garden Center on these water silos. We did like every Home Depot in Florida, like 48 or something. You know, we didn't have no drugs to create our own euphoria, so we just acted retarded. Remember this one time? It was down in Miami. I walked into the store first, you know, parked the van in front of the Garden Center, told Chris, I was like, "Yo man, grab these ladders off," you know, because we're hanging these signs on these two-story water silos. And as I walked in, I walked up to the cashier and I was like, "Hey man, listen. My buddy out there, my colleague, he's got Tourette's, you know? Just a new project we're doing, you know, where we hire handicapped people or anyone with deficiencies, you know, so he does, you know, have little outbursts and stuff, but he's good, you know, he's under control." Well, lo and behold, as this is unfolding, I'm telling this lady this, and Chris is out there on the van, I didn't know it, he's struggling to get these ladders off. And he's got a bad attitude. So I turn around and he's screaming at the van, trying to flip it over because he's so fucking pissed. And I look back at the cashier and this poor lady's just got a look of horror on her face. Like, I cannot believe I gotta let this guy work in our Garden Center. So some time flies by, you know, I'm over here holding it together like, oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. So it's about ten minutes in, he's way up on the ladder, he's trying to hang the sign, wrap these big straps around this silo. And uh, I'm hiding in these fucking shelves where this bag of pebbles, like, was ripped open and spilt. So I'm like hiding and throwing these pebbles at the water silo, you know, he's having a hard time getting these straps around this thing, he's getting pissed again. And I didn't realize it, on the other end of the aisle I was hiding in throwing them pebbles, there was a lady and her like seven or eight-year-old son. And Chris is like, "Who the fuck's throwing those pebbles?" and turns around and looks at the lady and he's like, "Yo, you need to get your fucking son, he's sitting there throwing rocks at me!" And it just, it was hilarious but bad at the same time. So they fucking come and tell us, you know, "Hey, you can't be doing that." And Chris, he's like, "Why are they treating us like this? You know, I was the one getting rocks thrown at," and I'm like lying like, "I didn't do it," you know. So we go to the van and I'm like, "Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I told that lady when we were walking in that you had Tourette's, bro, and like we had to work for you." So now he's like, "Hell fucking no you did not!" And I said, "What's worse is when I'm telling her this, your ass is out there trying to fistfight the van and flip it over, dude!" He's like, "Oh my god!" So I have to go back in there and hang the sign, finish hanging it. And I guess when I was, you know, working, he goes up to the cashier, you know, I'm way in the back side of the Garden Center, and tells her the same fucking thing. He goes, "Hey, sorry about my buddy, he's got Tourette's, you know, he goofs off and he, I let him tell people that I have Tourette's too so it's comfortable, you know, so he feels like he's not alone. But I'm really sorry about everything that happened in here, I just want you to have a nice day." So we get back in the van, he's like, "Dude, I told the lady exact same shit you told me." And you know, when you drive away you're just like, that's a great fucking first impression, man. That lady will never forget us. She's telling this story on and on through the rest of her fucking life, dude. Oh my god.

0/500