[Intro – spoken, greasy] Turn the lights low, pour the Merlot, I’m ‘bout to oil the groove and make her overflow. Funk in my step, rap in my grip, Grab the headboard, baby—let’s take this trip! Volume on 11, neighbors call the cops, But we just gettin’ started—ain’t no way we stop. Got a 12-inch sub in the trunk of the bed, Bass so low, it rattle her head! [Verse 1] I’m the plumber with the pipe, fixin’ leaks all night, Snake in the drain, girl, I’m twistin’ it right. Got a wrench in my pants, torque it slow then fast, Tighten them bolts till you bust like glass. Slide in the kitchen, whip the cream real thick, Beat them eggs, baby—flip the spatula quick. Pancakes stackin’, syrup drippin’ down, I’m the chef with the sauce, wear the apron like a crown. Microwave beepin’, but I’m the one gettin’ hot, Popcorn poppin’—girl, you steamin’ the pot. Butter meltin’, fingers sticky and sweet, Lick the bowl clean—ain’t no crumbs on the sheet. (Hook – chant it, crowd bounce) Slap that bass! (Uh!) Ride that groove! Wind them hips! (Yeah!) Make it move! Funk in the sheets, rap on the mic, We makin’ love till the mornin’ light! [Verse 2] I’m the gardener, hoe in hand, diggin’ deep in the dirt, Plantin’ seeds in the flowerbed—watch them tulips squirt. Water the roses, prune the bush real neat, Girl, your petals open when I turn up the heat. Remote in my pocket, I’m the king of the click, Push them buttons, change the channel—make it flip real quick. Netflix and chill? Nah, we streamin’ 4K, Buffering? Never—my connection’s A-OK. I’m the barber, clippers buzzin’ on low, Fade the edges, line you up—make that kitty-cat glow. Shave it smooth, lather thick with the cream, Girl, you a fresh cut—lookin’ sharp in my dream. [Pre-Hook – half-sung, falsetto] Ooh, baby, you the vinyl, I’m the needle, Scratch that record, make the funk get lethal! [Hook – louder, horns blast] Slap that bass! (Uh!) Ride that groove! Wind them hips! (Yeah!) Make it move! Funk in the sheets, rap on the mic, We makin’ love till the mornin’ light! [Verse 3 – mid-tempo] I’m the astronaut, blastin’ off to the moon, Zero gravity—girl, we floatin’ in the room. Houston, we got a problem—too much thrust in the tank, Countdown to liftoff: 3… 2… SPANK! I’m the librarian—shhh, keep it quiet in the stacks, But you droppin’ books loud when I hit it from the back. Overdue fines? Nah, I pay with the stroke, Check you out all night—girl, you my favorite book. [Bridge – slow jam, then build] (Whisper) Let me tune that guitar string, pluck it soft and low, (Build) Strum it faster, baby—watch the crescendo grow! (Shout) BREAKDOWN! I’m the DJ, scratchin’ wax on your back, Crossfade the moans, bring the climax—SMACK! (Call-and-response) Who’s the pilot? – I’m flyin’ the plane! Who’s the captain? – I’m rockin’ the main! Who’s the conductor? – I’m pullin’ the train! CHO CHOO—ALL ABOARD THE PAIN! [Verse 4 – rapid fire] I’m the mechanic, revvin’ engines, pop the hood real slick, Check the oil, top it off—girl, you runnin’ thick. Shift them gears, from first to fifth, Overdrive the piston—damn, you makin’ me drift! Laundry day? I’m foldin’ sheets with precision, But I’d rather tumble dry in a horizontal position. Spin cycle wild, detergent overflow, Bubbles poppin’—call it funk à la mode! I’m the fisherman, rod in hand, reel you in slow, Cast the line, hook the lip—girl, you bitin’ the flow. Worm on the hook, squirm when I jiggle the bait, Catch of the day? Damn, you lookin’ first-rate. I’m the painter, brush in stroke, canvas white and clean, Mix the colors, wet on wet—girl, you know what I mean. Easel shakin’, palette drippin’ with gloss, Masterpiece in the makin’—call it “Bedroom Picasso.” [Final Hook – full choir, crowd screamin’] Slap that bass! (One more!) Ride that groove! Wind them hips! (Till you can’t move!) Funk in the sheets, rap on the mic, We made love—now pass the mic! [Outro – ad-libs, horns solo, bass solo] Yeah, I’m the mailman—special delivery, certified! Package too big? Girl, I supersized! Postage due? Pay with them thighs!
