[Verse 1] My baby used to love me like a biscuit loves gravy Now she calls me “energy” and says I’m actin’ wavy She burned all the bacon, bought a candle named “Steve” And said, “We’re not fightin’, we’re just vibratin’ differently” She don’t yell no more, she just hums real loud Sits cross-legged smilin’ like she ain’t in a crowd I said, “Girl, you mad?” she said, “I’ve transcended that” Then she saged my truck… now explain me that ⸻ [Chorus] My baby joined a yoga cult, now she floats instead of walks Says my aura’s “kinda tense” and my chakras need a talk I just want a cheeseburger and a ballgame on TV But she’s breathin’ through her problems… and she’s breathin’ on me ⸻ [Verse 2] She renamed the dog to “Spirit of the Moon” Won’t answer to “Bubba” — says it lowers his tune She drinks green juice that looks like lawn clippings died Says it cleans her soul… I think it’s eatin’ her insides She invited all her friends for a “healin’ retreat” Now there’s six barefoot people slow-clappin’ to a beat They keep sayin’ “release it” every time I speak I sneezed one time… they said I cleared somethin’ deep ⸻ [Chorus] My baby joined a yoga cult, now she don’t believe in chairs Says sittin’s “too aggressive” for her lower back affairs I just want a nap without a guided inner trip But she lit another candle… now I’m prayin’ for the fire department quick ⸻ [Bridge — spoken, Ray Stevens style] Well I tried one of her classes… Pulled a muscle in my spirit. Lady told me to “breathe into it”… Ma’am, I’m breathin’ into a lawsuit. ⸻ [Verse 3] She said, “Come find your center,” so I checked behind the couch All I found was incense and a $90 pouch She said, “You gotta let go of your earthly desires” I said, “Baby, my desire is biscuits and tires” ⸻ [Final Chorus — bigger, taggy] My baby joined a yoga cult, now she levitates at dawn Says she’s married to the universe… I guess I’m just on loan If enlightenment’s the answer, I must’ve missed the call… ‘Cause I’m down here eatin’ nachos… …with my feet on the wall
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