there's little things,Everywhere Hiding underneath the springs, In your pocket, on your shelf, Even when you're by yourself. 🎵Arnold: Derek... I've had another theory. Derek: Last one ended with you accusing teaspoons of forming a committee. Arnold: And have you ever seen one acting alone? Exactly. But this is bigger. Derek: Go on then. Arnold: It all comes down to... things. Derek: Things? Arnold: Precisely. Nobody questions "things." You hear it every day. "I've got things to do." "Things happened." "Sort those things out." It's the perfect disguise. Derek: For what? Arnold: Everything! Derek: Everything? Arnold: That's the genius of it. "Stuff" is obvious. Stuff sits in sheds. Stuff fills drawers. But things... things creep. They slip into conversations unnoticed. They're linguistic ivy. Derek: Linguistic ivy? Arnold: It climbs over meaning until nobody remembers what they're talking about. "Thingy." "Thingamajig." "That thing." Before long, the whole conversation's running on empty and everyone's nodding like it makes sense. Derek: So you're saying "things" are hiding in plain sight? Arnold: Exactly! They're the undercover agents of language. Derek: I thought you were going to say aliens. Arnold: Don't be ridiculous. (Long pause.) Arnold: Aliens would probably call them... things, though. Derek: Right. I'm making tea. Arnold: That's how it starts, Derek. First tea... then things. (Derek (joining in harmony)): 🎵 Things in boxes, things in shoes, Things that sneak into the news, Call them this or call them that, Nobody knows where they're at! 🎵 (Both (chorus with bright harmonies)): 🎵 Things, things, everywhere! Floating gently through the air! If you lose one, don't despair, Two more pop up over there! 🎵 (Arnold plays a sparkling Rickenbacker arpeggio while Derek answers with cheerful Stratocaster chords.) (Arnold (spoken)): "See? Even the chorus has... things." Derek: "That's because you wrote it." Arnold: "Or did the things write us?" (They stare thoughtfully at each other... then burst back into another round of jangly harmonies as the audience laughs and claps along.)
