[Verse 1] You were small in the shelter pic Now you’re shaped like a bowling brick Tried to jump up on the window shelf Gravity said “help yourself” (oh no) You don’t sit You simply spread Like a furry pancake on my bed Every time I try to move my feet I pay rent to the landlord of the sheet [Chorus] My cat is fat And she’s proud of that Got a double chin And a triple snack When she hits the floor Hear the tiny quake She’s 90% nap And 10% cake [Verse 2] You patrol the kitchen Round by round Orbiting every crinkle sound Acting like you haven’t ever been fed While there’s treat dust stuck to your head (busted) Tried a “diet ” bought the light food pack You ate the scoop Then the whole big sack Vet said “maybe just one meal” Cat said “counter-offer: twelve.” [Chorus] My cat is fat And she’s proud of that Got a swagger walk Like a fluffy tank When she rolls for pets All the cushions shake She’s 90% nap And 10% cake [Bridge] You don’t chase toys You file complaints You’re the patron saint of “ain’t” I toss the mouse You watch it fly Blink real slow like “nice. goodbye.” (mm-hmm) [Chorus] My cat is fat Queen of every snack If the couch gives out We both know the cause But she curls up once On my aching chest And that heavy loaf Feels like home at rest
