Tick Tick Tick Yesterday taught me What could hurt Tomorrow gave it Somewhere To happen again ... The body Has never been Tomorrow Think about that These hands Have never touched it These eyes Have never seen it These lungs Have never taken A single breath There The body Only knows Now But I learned Something the body Didn't know how to do I learned To leave ... I could sit In a quiet room Warm Fed Safe Nothing at the window Nothing at the door And go somewhere That didn't exist What if I lose my job? What if The money runs out? What if She leaves? What if The doctor finds something? What if My children aren't safe? What if I fail? What if I die? And suddenly The quiet room Was gone The heart Was somewhere Next Thursday Trying to survive Something Thursday Hadn't even done ... Tick Tick Tick ... Yesterday whispered Remember what happened Tomorrow whispered It could happen again And fear Standing between them Said You better Think about this So I did Again And again And again I called it Preparing I called it Being responsible I called it Thinking ahead Sometimes It was But sometimes I was simply Practicing suffering For an event That never arrived ... What a strange ability To experience pain Before pain exists To feel rejection Before anyone leaves To feel loss While everything Is still here To mourn A future That has not Lost anything ... And the body Faithful body Believed every picture Show it a predator ALARM Show it a memory ALARM Show it an imagined future ALARM The body Doesn't know Thursday isn't here It only receives The picture And prepares Heart Faster Breath Shorter Muscles Ready Sleep Gone Nothing Is happening But everything Feels like it is ... Maybe this Is what worry is The imagination Asking the body To survive A thought ... Tick Tick Tick ... And once tomorrow Was invented Fear became Almost unlimited Because tomorrow Can contain Anything Disease Poverty Loneliness Failure War Judgment Death Hell Anything Anything Can happen Tomorrow And because Anything can happen The person I learned to be Wanted certainty Tell me I'll be okay Tell me They won't leave Tell me I'll have enough Tell me What happens when I die Tell me God isn't angry Tell me My children will be safe Tell me Tell me Tell me ... But tomorrow Wouldn't answer Because tomorrow Wasn't here ... So I tried harder I planned Controlled Saved Checked Rechecked Rehearsed conversations Imagined outcomes Watched for signs Prepared for endings Tried to arrange The pieces of Life So nothing unexpected Could touch Me And every time I almost felt safe The mind whispered Yeah But what if... ... There it is The sound From the first night The branch Beyond the fire Except now There is No branch No forest No predator No sound Only What if ... And the ancient alarm Still answers As if something Is coming Maybe something is Maybe something isn't But right now Look Not tomorrow Here What is happening Right Now? ... The mind says But tomorrow... Look Now But what if... Now But I need to know... Now ... Breath ... Heartbeat ... This ... For one second Tomorrow disappears And strangely So does The fear of it ... Tick ... Tick ... Tick ... Then the person Leans forward And whispers Yes But Something Might Happen
