[VERSE 1] I saw you with your protest sign Torn T-shirt in the rain Wet and clinging in the worst ways Said "peace and love" but I read the braille through the humidity I got a leopard print codpiece and a BS PhD You got a loose safety pin and a sociology degree.... depravity... and an alarmingly wet dress (PRE-CHORUS) You say "check your privilege"—I check my fly You say "toxic"—I say, "Baby, If you've got a boner to pick with me Make sure your own ain't a camel's knee.... or toe (CHORUS) I'll melt all you snowflakes When I blow on your hotcakes Love is never sayin' you're sorry— But sayin' it anyway, 'cause getting laid matters more to me Than saving face for somethin' better Poke a woke—that's what I say Now bend over and let me tuck my love pump away (That's a sexual pump, a heart pump, AND a vintage 1974 Marshall amp pump—TREBLE!) C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love a yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love yet another yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow [VERSE 2] You got a trigger warning for my guitar case I got a trigger finger and a slap to the face (With rhythm, baby! Musical slap! And maybe a little cheek slap—THAT'S THREE!) You quote inspirational hooks—I quote Motley Crue They both got hooks, but mine get you in the mood [BRIDGE—slow and dramatic, with keytar] They say "words are violence"... I say, "Violence is words" But when my love pump's lickin', we're speaking in thirds One note for romance, one note for sin One note that makes your clothes fall off again. C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love a yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love yet another yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow [FINAL CHORUS—with key change, because OF COURSE] I'll melt all you snowflakes (MELT!) When I blow on your hotcakes (BLOW!) Love is never sayin' you're sorry— But sayin' it anyway, 'cause getting laid matters more to me Than savin' face something wetter Poke a woke—that's what I say Now bow down and worship my love pump today (It's a musical pump, a blood pump, AND a pump that pumps your mom's car tires—TREBLE HAT-TRICK!) [OUTRO—spoken, whispered into the mic] "This one's in D-minor... the saddest key... 'cause it makes you cry... and then laugh... and then question your life choices... all at the same time." C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love a yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love yet another yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love a yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow C'mon and spank my love plank C'mon and feed my mojo C'mon give my love yet another yank C'mon take me fast, love me slow
