The Ballad of the Dangerous Bean (Verse 1, in A minor) Woke up this mornin', 'fore the sun climbed high, Dust on my overalls, a tear in my eye. Got a patch of land, fertile and black, But every season brings a monstrous attack. It ain't the weevils, Lord, or the blight that I fear, It's the shadow that falls when the harvest draws near. Oh, this life ain't easy, down here on the ground, When bean-growin' dangers are all around. (Chorus, Swinging, call-and-response feel) Oh, the beans, beans, beans, they're my fortune and fate, The beans, beans, beans, when they're fresh off the gate. They try to steal 'em, they try to tear 'em down low, But the beans, beans, beans give me the power to grow! The beans, beans, beans, they're the weapon I choose, To sing my sweet victory over the blues. (Verse 2, Back to a steady, melancholic rhythm) I remember last Tuesday, by the creek bed so dry, Felt a shadow descend from out of the sky. It was the Griffith's Great Harpy, with talons like steel, Come to snatch up my crop and make my poor heart reel. She swooped down a-squawkin', lookin' hungry and mean, Said, "Hand over the pintos, or you'll never be seen!" But I didn't reach for no shotgun, no knife sharp and bright, I just tossed her a handful, with all of my might. (Verse 3, A little faster, a burst of energy in the delivery) She choked on the crunch, felt her wings start to fail, That fiber and iron hit her like a gale! She spun 'round three times, and she let out a groan, Fell down in a heap, and turned straight into stone! That protein was pumpin', that lecithin too, Did a number on that Harpy, Lord, what else could I do? The power of the sprout, it's a terrible thing, The strength that a farmer of legumes can bring! (Chorus, Swinging, call-and-response feel) Oh, the beans, beans, beans, they're my fortune and fate, The beans, beans, beans, when they're fresh off the gate. They try to steal 'em, they try to tear 'em down low, But the beans, beans, beans give me the power to grow! The beans, beans, beans, they're the weapon I choose, To sing my sweet victory over the blues. (Bridge, Slow down, more dramatic and spoken-word style) Don't you ever forget, son, what lies in the field, Last year it was Hydras, their green blood was spilled. They thought five hungry heads meant they'd eat all my stock, But I hit 'em with black beans right round the clock! Every head that I severed grew two, that is true, But every single head was just hungry anew! They ate and they ate, 'til they swelled up so vast, They exploded in sunshine, too full to last! (Outro, Fade out slowly, one last soulful guitar riff) Yeah, too full to last... Oh, they never learn, they just never learn... You come for my crop, you get the power of the bean. A bean-fed man, ain't no stronger thing you've seen. Gonna plant another row now... (Snaps fingers to the beat, fade to silence) !
