[Verse 1] My nose is running and my throat is sandpaper My back went out reaching for the morning paper The doctor's booked till the middle of May So I've made up my mind and I'm hanging up the day [Chorus] Gimme a little vampirism, gimme a little bite Tuck me in a coffin and I'll sleep it off tonight No more flu, no more fever, no more pills to take The dead don't catch a cold and the dead don't ache Gimme a little vampirism, deck the halls in black Pull the curtains, close the coffin, I'm not coming back [Verse 2] The kids came home with something green and growing My joints are creaking and my hairline's going I left the window open just a crack Come on, Count, I'm not getting any younger, I'm not taking it back [Chorus] Gimme a little vampirism, gimme a little bite Tuck me in a coffin and I'll sleep it off tonight No more flu, no more fever, no more pills to take The dead don't catch a cold and the dead don't ache Gimme a little vampirism, deck the halls in black Pull the curtains, close the coffin, I'm not coming back [Bridge] No dentist, no checkups, no booster shots No bad knees, no back pain, no blood clots Well, maybe a little blood, but it's not my own Merry Christmas to me, I'm a corpse, leave me alone [Final Chorus] Gimme a little vampirism, gimme a little bite Tuck me in a coffin and I'll sleep it off tonight No more flu, no more fever, no more pills to take The dead don't catch a cold and the dead don't ache Gimme a little vampirism, deck the halls in black Pull the curtains, close the coffin Pull the curtains, close the coffin I'm not coming back! [Outro: spoken, cheerful] Happy holidays. Don't call me before sunset.
