# The Duck Bus to Nowhere [Intro — spoken] The vampire stares at the bus. “No.” BEEP BEEP. “Absolutely not.” The doors open. QUACK. “…I hate this island.” [Verse 1] The duck bus leaves the Mansion, Rolling crooked through the rain, Past the cliffs and through the woodland, Then somehow back again. Skeleton’s got a bus pass, Ghosts are hanging from the roof, And the driver’s wearing sunglasses— Which somehow makes things worse. [Chorus] It’s the duck bus to nowhere, Everybody climb aboard! No one knows where we are going, Least of all the one in charge. Past the pier and through the thunder, Round Shark Island once or two— If you’re weird enough to join us, There’s a seat waiting for you. [Verse 2 — Vampire] The vampire grips the handrail, “I demand that we get off!” The duck slams on the brakes. He flies straight down the aisle And lands inside a trough. Everyone goes silent. He slowly lifts his head. “Not. One. Word.” The skeleton points. “You’ve got a duck on your head.” [Bridge] Storm clouds over Shark Island, Purple lightning in the bay, But inside the bus we’re singing Like it’s just another day. Monsters, ghosts and tiny horrors, All squeezed in from wall to wall— Home isn’t always somewhere quiet. Sometimes home is chaos with us all. [Final Chorus] It’s the duck bus to nowhere, Let the whole mad island know! We’ve got monsters in the back seats And absolutely nowhere to go. Laughing through the rain together, Making nonsense feel brand new— On this ridiculous old island, There’s a seat waiting for you. [Outro — spoken] The bus stops. “Where are we?” Silence. The doors open. They are directly outside the Mansion. The vampire stares. “We’ve been driving for forty minutes.” QUACK. “…You went in a circle.” Another bus pulls up behind them. Full of ducks. “Oh no.”
