borderline (dark).

I don’t feel pretty anymore. Leaving my clothes all on the floor. Can’t remember to wash myself, I need someone but can’t ask for help. Barbed wire holding me down to the bed Should be doing something else but I’m stuck here instead. Self shame ingrained inside of me, Can’t run from it, cause it’s just me. The more I give myself shit, I just make it worse The pressure builds and it fucking hurts. I want to crash out and go insane, Do all the the drugs that fix my brain, I just want to be happy again. Feels like I’m always alone, theres nobody there. So I get tattoos and i wreck my hair. Make all these plans, with no one to share. I’m scared of happiness, Because what follows is pain. Getting my hopes up to be let down again. I want to love and give you my all. But no one’s there when I crash and fall. Everyone says their okay with crazy But they always leave. No could love what’s inside of me. So I push you all away, sabotaging myself The fear of rejection, fucks my mental health. Sometimes I like to wonder what I would be, If those bad things hadn’t happened to me. Would I be a normal girl, surrounded by friends, loving the world. Or was this my destiny, To be trapped in my head and never be freed. When I was young, they said I was fine But if this is fine, I’d rather die. So I let people use and abuse me, Mistreat and beat me, Cause I don’t respect myself. Pathetic, a fool, or too emotional So desperate for love, and to be validated to fuck, that I don’t care about my health. I’m trying to get away from myself, Running from the voices that put me through hell. But everytime I see the light, I trip and fall Down this dark hole, of my own self woe I’m useless, lazy, unloveable Psycho, bitch, and a traumatised hoe. Ugly, fat and worth nothing at all. Can’t convince me otherwise, Because the words you spit, only sound like lies. I can’t trust my head. I wish I was dead. But I keep going on…