(Verse) Oh man, let me tell you, I tried to be cool once, but it’s like trying to ride a unicycle while juggling flamingos and eating spaghetti at the same time. You know how it is. Everyone’s out there with their sunglasses on, wearing jackets made of pure confidence or, like, invisible ducks—I don’t know, they were really shiny ducks—but anyway, I thought, “Hey, I need to step up my game!” So I went and got myself a pet rock. Not just any pet rock, though. This one could play the kazoo, except only underwater, because it was allergic to air. I called it Geraldine. (CHORUS:) Trying to be cool with a pancake rock! Riding walruses in my banana socks! Underwater kazoo, and now I’m lost, Somebody help me, I’m payin’ the cost! (Verse) So I took Geraldine to a party, right? Figured I’d show it off. Everyone was like, “Why does your rock smell like pancakes?” and I was like, “Obviously, it’s because he moonlights as a brunch chef on Jupiter.” But no one got it, which was their fault, because they weren’t wearing shoes made of banana peels like I was, so they didn’t understand the vibe. You ever try to breakdance while riding a walrus on roller skates? It’s harder than it looks, especially when the walrus is lactose-intolerant. I had to improvise, so I pulled out my collection of pocket lint—because that’s how you really impress people—and everyone was like, “What is happening?” and I said, “Exactly.” CHORUS: Trying to be cool with a pancake rock! Riding walruses in my banana socks! Underwater kazoo, and now I’m lost, Somebody help me, I’m payin’ the cost! (Verse) But then, here’s where it gets real crazy—Geraldine ran for mayor. Didn’t even tell me! Just up and ran, all because some dude in a turtleneck offered him free guacamole for life. And that’s the thing about being cool—sometimes, the guacamole betrays you. Anyway, long story short, I lost my rock, a walrus stole my banana shoes, and I’m banned from every underwater kazoo concert in the tri-state area. Moral of the story: never trust a turtleneck. (CHORUS:) Trying to be cool with a pancake rock! Riding walruses in my banana socks! Underwater kazoo, and now I’m lost, Somebody help me, I’m payin’ the cost!
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